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Hey This is a story I have been writing for a while and I want your opinion! Plus I need character ideas only accepting 5! Name: Age: Personality: Looks: Likes: Dislikes: Relationship to Adriana:

published on November 15, 2014not completed

Week 1 of my life

It was a typical Monday morning, foggy outside and the kind of day you just want to sleep. I looked at my clock, 6:55. Five more minutes until my mom comes upstairs to wake up me, Mary, and my brothers. I had a sister named Mary, she was 16, and 2 twin brothers named Anthony and Antonio, they were 7. I watched the clock and prayed to myself that today was Sunday, only it wasn’t. My mom walked in and started to flicker the lights “Okay! Okay! I get it. Time to wake up and start a new week.” I said.
I walked down stairs and saw my brother Anthony and my sister Mary eating breakfast. “Happy early birthday” said Mary with a grin on her face. I was turning 13 next week. “I made pancakes!” said Mary. “I helped her” said Anthony. I sat down to eat my pancakes. “Wow Mary these are really good” I said trying to sound positive. The thing was they were burnt and tasted like rocks “Thanks little sis” she said in her “I’m oh so perfect” voice. “Antonio is sick and the car is in the shop, so you two have to walk yourselves and Anthony to school today while I take care of Antonio. Don’t forget your lunches I made pasta. Now hurry up or you will be late!” said my mom as she rushed down stairs. Mary dashed out the door grabbing a hold of Anthony’s hand. “Wait a minute I’m not done eating” said Anthony stuffing his face with a half eaten pancake. I dashed out the door so I wouldn’t be late for school.
When I arrived Mary and Danny were talking about a math project. Mary likes to say that he is still only her lab partner and not exactly moved onto the “Crush” stage. As the bell rang Quinn walked past me. “Hey Quinn wait up” I yelled to her. “Hi Adriana! How are you?” Quinn said. “I’m doing ok. How about you?” I asked. Then she said something that totally caught me off guard. “OMG guess what, Zak asked you out!” she said as if she was the one asked out. “What! When, where, why!” I said really excited. “ Well yesterday at about 4:23 p.m.
Zak called my house phone and said ‘Hello is this Adriana’s house?’ and I said ‘No, this is her best friend.’ and he said ‘Oh, you're the weird one, Quoba right? So can you ask her if she wants to out sometime? This week maybe this Friday?’ and I said ‘Ok! I’ll tell her tomorrow” she said. “NO WAY! I’m going to find him right after school ends!” I said.When school had finally ended, Ben handed out invitations to everyone in the class. As soon as I got mine I dashed out of the classroom to meet Zak at his locker. After a few minutes, Zak finally showed up at his locker “Adriana! Hey um why are you here?” he said. “Ya I got your message from Quinn and I just wanted to say that I’d love to hang out” I said. My voice trembled as I told him this. “Who is Quinn?” he asked. “She is the girl you talked to last night on the phone. “Sorry to ask this, but what are you talking about?” he said. “Um well, didn’t you call Quinn’s House? Didn’t you ask her to tell me that you wanted to go out sometime?” I said in confusion. “Sorry no, I don’t recall saying that. Well I have to head home, bye I guess.” He said.
Was I imagining this? Was this some sort of nightmare I would never wake up from? The entire day I dreamed how it would go down and each time it was perfect. Then I turn around just in time to see Zak put his arm around Jessica Louis, The most rudest, meanest, popular girl in the 8th grade.
Everything was happening so fast I didn’t understand! My mind was racing! I felt like I wanted to scream. I wanted to go right up to that snotty Jessica and rip her hair out! but I didn’t. I looked up just in time to see Zak, look at me. There was a “I’m sorry” expression in his eyes. I wanted to forgive him, Only it wasn’t his fault, It was Quinn’s fault! I grabbed my cell and held it in my hand for a few minutes. Then when I built up the courage I dialed Quinn’s number. It rang 5 times before she picked up. “Adriana? What’s wrong?” she said. while she was talking she yawned, so I could tell that her 4 year old sister is making her watch “My Little Pony” again. “Nothing, I-I-” I stammered “I wanted to say that it wasn’t very nice for you to lie to me about Zak. I also want to say that I telling my mom that I’m don’t wanna go camping with you this week.” “What are you talking about? you're talking some crazy shizz girl.” She answered back. I was silent for a second, then hung up.
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Comments (2)

Minor grammar errors, such as : "Five more minutes until my
my mom came to wake up Mary, my sister, my two brothers, and I."
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BTW, what I commented was the fixed version.
Overall, great job!
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on November 15, 2014
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on November 15, 2014