We need to talk (Revamped)

Some updates and stuff

It would appear that I haven't written in this thingy in quite some time. I thought I would just catch you guys up on some stuff.
To start off, I've been going through a really tough emotional period. It started with my best friend and my boyfriend moving to Texas. Then, my aunt passed away while I was beside her in the hospital. And now I'm having even more boy drama.
I guess we'll start with my aunt.
This all started on Tuesday, August 30. My grandma called me to tell me my Mawmaw (my aunt) had fallen down the stairs and was in the hospital. She didn't say anything else, so I called my cousin to see what she knew about the situation. My cousin said that she found my aunt at the bottom of the stairs, but that she would be fine.
I didn't think anything of the situation. I thought, at worst, Mawmaw would have a broken ankle. I told my grandma to tell me if they heard anything else.
The next day, I was sitting in second period. I had my phone out because I was studying on Quizlet. My phone buzzed and I had received a text from my grandma. "Doc said Mawmaw will not make it. We are contacting your dad."
My phone slipped from my hands and thudded on the desk. A kid in my class looked back at me and said, "Hey, are you okay? Why are you crying?" The girl in front of me looked at me, and said to the teacher, "I think Mackenzie needs to leave the class."
The teacher nodded his head at me, and I ran to the bathroom, tears spilling out of my eyes. My best friends, Abbie and Bay May, came to the bathroom. They asked what happened and I told them.
I suffered through another class period and lunch, tears randomly spewing out of my eyes. The guy, T as I have called him before, kept looking at me at lunch asking what was wrong. (I'll explain more on T in a second.)
My grandma and cousin came to the school to pick me up at the end of 3rd period. I was happy to leave.
They took me to the hospital and we went to the ICU. We walked back to the room, and I saw my Mawmaw hooked to so many tubes and monitors. I could tell she was no longer in that body. The machines were keeping her alive.
My other cousin, Damien, came. He came back into the room with me, just me and him and my Mawmaw. We said our goodbyes, we said thank you for everything, and we said that we loved her. We left the ICU, hugging each other and crying.
My Mawmaw died on Thursday, September 1, 2016, 7:01 PM. I was in the room.
It all happened fast. My cousin and I were sitting on the hospital couch in the ICU room. We were both terrified, but we didn't think it would actually happen so fast. My grandma told the nurse that it didn't look like Mawmaw was breathing anymore. (They had taken the ventilator off an hour before)
The nurse came in and told us she had passed. While my family gathered around the bed, crying and hugging each other. But I sat on the couch, staring at nothing with my hand clamped over my mouth. Tears did not come. Tears haven't come since before she even died.
So, Mawmaw, if your spirit is somehow reading this, I love you. You're my everything.

Okay, now onto a less serious topic. T.
If you didn't know, T and Abbie dated on and off 7th grade year. I despised him for a few various reasons. But then, one day this school year, Abbie wasn't on the bus. I scored the back seat, something Abbie and I had to fight T for everyday/
T sat beside me. He started playfully punching me. And I did it back.
The next day was the same. Abbie wasn't there and T and I continued.
I started to think maybe he liked me, and I thought maybe I liked him too. We got each others number and exchanged friendly texts.
But then everything happened with Mawmaw. He was so nice to me, he was there for me. He didn't ask if I was okay like everyone else did. He didn't say sorry. He was just there for me. And I was so happy about it.
I told him one day to distract me from what was happening (via texting.)
So, he said this. "So...truth is I actually do like you. I know I say I don't, but ya know... And I know you don't like me at all, but it's just you... You're just an amazing person. Yeah, I know I'm not Mr. Winchester (he was referring to my love Dean Winchester) or anything but ya know..."
And then I said "I'm really not an amazing person... I'm annoying, dramatic, and I'm always hungry..I'm a lot to deal with and I never know how I feel and it's hard for me to tell people how I feel....Soo I'm not  this amazing person you seem to think I am."
And HE SAID: "But you are...its hard to see when its through your eyes...but through mine, I'm in heaven."
AND I SWEAR TO GOD MY HEART EXPLODED.
So, I let myself get in over my head like I always do. I started picturing us together, picturing us a cute couple.
Until Abbie weaseled her way back in, and now I'm pretty sure he likes her too.
And how can I trust him to say those things to me when he's probably saying the same things to her. They're neighbors, so they hang out all the time and I only see him on the bus. I only REALLY get a chance to talk to him when Abbie's not there.
When Abbie's not there, he's the sweetest guy ever. He talks about how perfect and amazing I am. But when she IS there, it's like I hardly exist or I'm only there as someone for him to ignore.

*internally screaming* *sighs heavily*
I don't know what to do anymore.

xx Mack