Asthma and Me

Asthma

So. First things first. Most of you are probably wondering what asthma actually is. Well asthma affects the lungs and airways. It's an inflammatory disease which is actually quite common and usually long term.

I had my first asthma attack when I was 3 years old. At the time, my parents didn't actually know I had asthma so it was quite a scary time for them. At first, the doctors wouldn't actually tell my parents that I had asthma until my mum kept pressing them until eventually, they did tell them. From then, I grew up just like any other child, I had mini asthma attacks here and there but from just looking at me, you wouldn't actually know I had quite a life threatening disease hidden away in my lungs.

And then came summer 2012 and the months leading up to it. The months leading up to summer 2012, my doctor could tell that my asthma was starting to get worse and it would have gotten to the point where he would have kept me in hospital overnight if it wasn't for the asthma attack I suddenly had.

I remember the week like it was yesterday. The last week of school term before summer. I had two asthma attacks on the monday, and then an asthma attack on the tuesday that led me to knocking on deaths door. Luckily, he didnt answer, otherwise, i wouldnt be here writing this. I had air trapped behind my heart and i remember the doctors saying to my mum that if it didnt beat it out, I could die. Hearing those words as a 10 year old is extremely scary. My heart managed to beat out the trapped air and I spent the rest of the week in hospital and was discharged to a rather boring summer since i was still recovering.

Ever since then, my asthma has been pretty stable. But thats not the end of the story. Im now 16. And with mature mind like mine, It really helps me to understand what is actually happening to me and the mental affects that come with it.

Yes, My asthma affects me mentally. There are times when I'm laying in bed at night, my preventer inhaler in my hand and I'm questioning myself as to why carry on struggling? Why should I have to pump all of these drugs into my body every single day for the rest of my life? And there have been days when I simply just don't take my inhaler, yearning for a drug free life. There are days when I just wish to be a normal child, to be able to run around with the other kids, go swimming, do the things that I really enjoy. You'll say, Asthma has no limitations, you can do anything, there are olympic athletes with asthma. Yeah there are. But. I am limited. My doctor has banned me from going swimming because of the chlorine. I can barely get up and down stairs so how can I run a mile? No, I'm not asking for your sympathy nor am I begging for attention, im just making it aware that you can be limited with asthma.

I'm also very obese. I'm not blaming it entirely on my asthma. I'm quite lazy and I just sit around all day. But. My asthma does have a role to play. From having asthma, i sometimes have to take steroids to stop the imflammatory from getting worse in my lungs when my asthma is getting quite bad, and a side effect of those steroids is that they make you hungry. Very hungry and so you just eat and eat and eat and start to put on weight. I'm finally trying to do something about it though. Im being very strict on my diet and am starting to do light exercise.

I so get very upset and depressed over my asthma, and there have been times where I can just sit and cry for hours because i want it to just dissappear. Having asthma is also very scary. You never know when your next asthma attack will strike and you never know whether it's going to be your last. And its petrifying knowing that you can be fine one day but dead the next. Your always praying in the back of the mind for death just to wait another day.

I was told when i was younger that if i didnt grow out of my asthma by the time I was 10, then I would most likely have it for life. Most likely wait for the day that my lungs decide to kill me for the the rest of my life. Not all stories end in happy endings. Mine certainly doesnt.

Have any questions? Put them in the comments section and I'll be happy to answer to the best of my abilities. Thank you for taking the time to read this. You didnt have to but it means a lot to me that you have. Thank you.