The Book of Randomness

The Diary

Just a random 'short' story I wrote ages ago. I think it was for an assignment..Shrug.

Humming resonated around the dim room, a single candle being the only thing to illuminate the spacious area, but even then, the candle’s flame was flickering, threatening to burn out. Fingers ghosted over the leather-bound spines belonging to the various books lined up on the mahogany shelves of a bookcase. Suddenly the humming ceased and the fingers stopped, resting on a particularly worn book bound in black leather. Grasping lightly onto the spine, the book was gently removed from the shelf. The rest of the numerous novels toppled over but were paid no heed as the wooden floorboards creaked and groaned from heavy footsteps. A pair of shoes, simple black sneakers with the converse symbol etched onto the side, appeared in the light of the candle, casting a dark shadow of a figure on the opposite wall. Crouching down, the figure’s face was revealed. They had light skin as if they had been cooped up inside for days, yet not pale or pasty enough as to look unhealthy.  They had bright, emerald green eyes sparkling with mirth and curiosity and wisps of blonde hair helped frame their face. Overall, they were a rather fragile looking thing, much like a porcelain doll.

The girl’s name was Azalea Faye. She was currently 19 and attending University, majoring in history. History had always been one of Azalea’s favourite subjects at secondary school having always piqued her interests. The girl was often seen in the library, nose stuck in a book which most of the time was about historic events, no matter how tragic or horrendous they may seem to be. It didn’t matter whether it was books about the French Revolution, Austria’s Great Depression to World War One. She loved learning about the past. Despite her studious nature, she was also known as a loyal friend. Although she wasn’t the most popular student, she had a close-knit group of friends. To those, she revealed her more playful side. Unfortunately, when they graduated, they parted ways as most of her friends went to attend different universities, or stopped attending school in general, opting to get a job. Still, they kept in contact and Azalea would ring them whenever she could. Now, she had a new group of friends.

Azalea held up the black book, daintily bringing it into the light. The edges of the book seemed to be slightly charred as if the book had been burned however that was impossible, if it had, the book would merely be a pile of ashes.  There seemed to be something sewn onto the cover. It was illegible due to the amount of dust that had gathered up over the years. “I’ve never seen this book before,” she whispered, a frown making its way onto her face. Holding the book closer towards her face, she blew gently at the cover before nearly dropping it, bursting into a fit of coughing and spluttering from the fine particles that have grown over the years of it sitting alone and untouched. She waved at the air in front of her, trying to clear the air. “I didn’t expect that much soot. How have I never noticed this before?” Once more raising the book, her eyes scanned the front cover. What she could only assume was a name was engraved onto the book in gold italic letters. “Andreas Nikolai Ivanovich” Azalea murmured, the name rolling off of her tongue. It was a foreign name and so it probably sounded unusual coming from her, considering she most likely messed up on the pronunciation, however, she found the name familiar although she couldn’t fathom where she had heard it “How quaint. This looks like a journal so this must belong to this Andreas person, but how come I’ve never seen this book or heard of said person?” Her brow furrowed in thought, trying to recall someone by the name of Andreas before shrugging. “I suppose there’s only one thing left to do.”  The green-eyed female slowly opened the old book, careful as to not rip or tear the paper.

The first page was brownish yellow. Surprisingly, it was also blank. “Perhaps it’s just a blank book? No…A blank book wouldn’t have a name engraved on it, and it would have probably been disposed of or used by now.” Sighing, the girl felt tempted to close the tome. She was rather disappointed, the book had captured her interests and lost it all in one blow. Still, something seemed to be stopping her from shutting the cover. Deciding to give it another chance, she turned the page over. Once she had, she was rather glad she gave a second chance. Although the first page had no words, the second one most certainly did. On the tattered page was an article of words. The words scrawled down were fairly neat, and fortunately legible, but at the same time, seemed rushed as if the author was in a hurry.

To whom it may concern,

By the time you have found this journal, I am most likely dead, lying in a coffin somewhere 5 feet underground, or perhaps I haven’t received that luxury and am instead rotting beneath the Earth’s surface, covered by layers of mud and dirt. I wouldn’t know, after all, it’s not like I’d know whether or not I’m dead. Once you’re dead, I’d highly doubt you could still see, hear or have any mental awareness. I do believe I’m getting off-track, however, let me make one thing clear.

I do not know who you are, nor what your name may be and to be honest, I don’t really care what it is. So please, save your introductions. It’s not like I’ll be alive to meet you in person, and for that, I give my sincere apologies. I also apologise for the rather…blunt introduction. However, if you can’t handle this, or find that you’re already beginning to dislike me, then I suggest you put this book away from wherever you may have stumbled across it. I suppose only God knows how you came across this diary, although I myself, don’t believe in God, at least, not anymore, not after all I’ve gone through.

I applaud you for continuing to read, even if I haven’t exactly been the nicest host. And so, let me introduce myself formally. My name is Nikolai Ivanovich, although, after certain events of which I shall not explain, I go by the name Andreas instead. After all, I suppose you’ll find out these events yourself, should you continue reading. You’ve probably already surmised that this is a journal, and if you haven’t, then I’ll say you appear to be rather dense but nonetheless, now you know of that simple fact.

If you find that those names seem rather German or even Russian, then you are correct. My family origins are of that ethnicity. What you’re about to read is an account of my experiences. As to why I’m writing these down, I don’t believe I’ll live to tell the tale myself, and I believe these events are to be shared. Or perhaps I just wanted something, anything really, to continue my legacy. Whatever the cause was, it seemed to have taken the form of this journal. What you’re about to read is a first-hand account of a particular event, World War Two to be precise. This will be my first and only warning. Close this book now or continue reading, I don’t care what you do. Just know that once you start, you can’t exactly back out.

Azalea stopped reading. She gently bit down on her bottom lip, but not hard enough as to draw blood. She wasn’t sure whether to go on or not. On one hand, she wanted to, but on the other, she wasn’t sure. She had to attend school the following day, and it probably wasn’t the best idea to stay up late reading. This Nikolai person intrigued her. However, she was doubting whether or not this was just a hoax, a huge joke. The book looked real enough so it couldn’t be a fake. She had heard of the saying ‘Curiosity killed the cat’ but had also heard the other version of ‘Satisfaction brought it back’, even if it wasn’t in the original. After some mental debate, she made up her mind. The girl picked up a bookmark lying nearby and placed it between the ancient pages. She closed the book and standing up, placed it on her study desk. Her green eyes glanced at her clock. 11:00 pm the bright, blinking red numbers read. Sitting down on her single Queen-sized bed, the bed compressing beneath her weight, she bent down and unlaced her shoes, kicking them off. Straightening, she adjusted her body posture so she was lying horizontally. Eyes gazing up at the ceiling, she felt as if all her energy had been drained as a wave of exhaustion hit her. Slowly, her eyes fluttered closed before she drifted off, lulled to the realm of sleep.

~~~~

Beep!  Beep! A hand slammed down on the alarm clock, silencing it. “Five more minutes…” Azalea groggily murmured, rolling over and snuggling into the warmth of her bed. It took a few seconds before her eyes snapped open. She shot up, banging her skull on the head of the bed and groaning. “Ouch!” She grimaced as she rubbed the top of her scalp. “That’s probably going to leave a mark.” She sighed, adjusting her posture so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs back and forth.  “I have school today.” She stood up, slipping on her fluffy white slippers and her black dressing gown before heading towards the kitchen. Azalea grabbed the box of Nutrigrain from the cupboard, the 200mL bottle of milk in the fridge and a medium-sized bowl made of bone china along with a silver spoon. She took out an ivory coffee mug and slid it under the spout. Pressing the Short Black button, she waited as the machine ground the coffee and poured the rich substance. Taking the steaming hot mug, she walked towards the table and sat down. After adding a sugar cube to her drink and dissolving it, she poured out some of the cold milk, added the Nutrigrains and picking up her spoon, began to eat.

Five minutes had passed and Azalea was now rushing. She had lost track of time and lingered too long in the shower. Now, she was dashing around the house. If she ran, she could make it to the bus stop in time. Her car was currently under maintenance. The engine had stopped working and had to be replaced however the model she was using was an old one, one that was no longer produced. The mechanics had to find a new one that was compatible with her vehicle which was taking longer than she wanted it to. For the past few days, Azalea had been taking the bus or having one of her friends pick her up. Speaking of which, Azalea tossed on a jacket and grabbed her Smart Rider, slinging her backpack over one shoulder. She stopped before she left the doorway, eyeing the little black book on her desk. She shook her head and walked forward before pausing, running towards the book and picking it up, carelessly tossing it into her backpack. Azalea then proceeded to turn off the lights, exit her house (Locking the door in the process, she wasn’t one to carelessly forget) and rush off.

Luckily, Azalea made it just on time. She sat down in one of the front rows, the seat next to the window. The bus began to move. Her green eyes gazed out of the window as the scenery passed by. The brick houses, the tall trees and the vibrant flowers. She frowned slightly and sighed. She had seen this so many times. She reached down to her backpack and opened it up, pulling out the black book. Staring down at the front cover, rereading the name, Azalea finally opened the book. She headed straight to the bookmark, the bookmark she normally used. The one with a view of the Solar System with Earth right in the middle and a lavender rope with tassels at the end. The one bookmark that if tilted at a certain angle, looked 3D. Personally, it was her favourite bookmark. After finding where she had left off last time, she continued to read the journal, paying no attention to the previous warning. She doubted anything in the journal would scare her, at least, she hoped not.


Right. I will not be responsible for however you may react as you have chosen to read on. It’s not as if you could hunt me down anyways, not if I’m dead. Be warned that I will mention everything that has happened to me and what will happen to me as time passes. I suppose you have my gratitude for being brave enough to read on. I doubt most others would. For that, you have a sliver of my admiration. Where should we begin? I suppose the beginning is as good of a place as any.

I was born on the 13th of June in 1919, a year after the end of World War 1 and 20 years before the start of World War 2, although it’s not as if I would have known that at the time. My mother was a Russian beauty by the name of Alisa Ivanovich. She was a feisty redhead with vibrant green eyes. I suppose that’s where my eye colour came from. My father was a retired German soldier. He was discharged at the age of 22 from a severe injury and a potential mental illness. One may think that being discharged would bring shame to the family, but this wasn’t the case. My father, Reiner Kaiser, had volunteered for the military at the age of 17. Ever since he had shown great potential. 3 years later, he was promoted to Lance Corporal and the year after, he became a Corporal of the Heer. [1]

Things seemed to be going well for him, however, all good things come to an end.  6 months after his promotion, he was taken as a prisoner of war by the opposing forces. To this day, I have no idea how he did it, but he had managed to escape and come back to Germany after a year, a year of going through both mental and physical torture. I could only imagine what horrors he had gone through. It was a wonder he had come home at all. I suppose it took its toll as he had changed. It was quite obvious his mental state wasn’t the same, and the fact that he had lost his right arm did nothing to help with this matter. He was discharged from his military duties. It took some time, but eventually, he recovered from the trauma with the help of my mother and fellow family members.

A tap on the shoulder interrupted her reading. “Excuse me, Miss, we’ve arrived at our destination.” Azalea blinked and bookmarked the page before looking up. A boy was gazing down at her. She felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment. “S-Sorry!” She stuttered before placing the book in her bag, standing up and exiting the vehicle. The gates of her University loomed over. She glanced around. There! As per usual, her friends were waiting by the Jacaranda tree near the entrance. She quickened her pace. “Guys!” She called out. One of the waiting five turned to her. A brunette with hazel orbs and aqua-framed glasses perched upon her nose. The brunette’s name was Evangeline Bishop, or ‘Lady’ due to her formal nature. She was probably the closest to Azalea out of the five. “Azalea.” She nodded her head in acknowledgement. Azalea smiled. Out of the six, Evangeline would most likely be considered the most responsible and proper. Perhaps it had to do with her upbringing, perhaps not.


The rest of the group turned to greet their final member. Alexis King. A fellow redhead with sharp grey eyes. The girl could be considered a tomboy and insisted on being called Alex. Despite coming off as cold or rude, to her friends she was quite the opposite. Roselia Quinton, a blonde with bright sapphire eyes. The kind yet shy one out of the group, also known as the ‘Innocent Angel’. Despite her title, she could be rather mischievous at times. Damien Woods, a ravenette with unique amber eyes. The silver-tongued and intelligent male who was nicknamed the ‘Sass Queen’, much to both his amusement and chagrin. Although Damien was smart, he was still oblivious to Evangeline’s crush on him. Then again, only Azalea knew.  The last member but certainly not the least was Blaze, Blaze Hunter. Despite his name, Blaze was actually one of the rare albinos, although due to reasons, he had been wearing icy blue contacts since Year 3. Blaze was the playful one of the group. He had been nicknamed ‘Snowy’ or ‘Snow White’ for his hair by Alex. Azalea came up with a theory that Blaze ‘tainted’ little Rose. Due to this he has also been called ‘Jinx’ and not only for his personality. Believe it or not, but Blaze’s best friend was Damien despite the difference in personalities. All in all, the group were odd but perhaps it was these oddities that made them the best of friends.

“Yo Spitfire! Running late?” Alexis called out with a smirk. “Yes. You’re exactly 5 minutes, 27 seconds and 13 milliseconds later than normal.” Evangeline spoke, glancing down at her platinum watch. “Nerd.” Blaze playfully punched Evangeline’s shoulder. Her face reddened slightly. This action didn’t go unnoticed by Azalea who wriggled her eyebrows suggestively with a wink. Evangeline glared at the girl but couldn’t help the small smile that formed. The two girls had a silent conversation with their eyes before both chuckled. Alex stared questionably at the two before shrugging. An awkward silence followed from then on. “Well, I propose we head to Azzie’s locker considering we’ve already grabbed our things. We can talk on the way.” Damien offered, breaking the growing tension. The group agreed and off they went.

“So, what caused this sudden lateness anyways? Normally you’re the second to arrive after Lady.” Blaze asked, glancing at the green-eyed female. “I stayed up later than normal reading.” She replied sheepishly. Blaze paused causing the others to stop and look at him. “I take it back. Lady’s not the nerd, you are. Who reads these days anyway?” On cue, Evangeline, Azalea and Damien let out mock-offended shouts. Blaze snickered. “Sorry! I forgot we had 3 nerds in our group. I guess it’s just Rosie and I. Right Apprentice?” He slung an arm around the petite girl’s shoulder. “E-Eep! Y-Yeah!” The timid girl stuttered. This action caused Alex to frown. “Oi! Jinx. Hands off. I don’t want you tainting Lil’ Rose any further.” The other redhead replied. Blaze pouted and turned to Damien. “Mummy! Big Sis’ Alex is being mean!” Damien’s eyebrow twitched. “Why am I the Mother again?” “Well, you’re the Sass Queen.” The albino replied, grinning. Damien was quick on the draw, not allowing Blaze to best him. “Says, Snow White.” Blaze put his hands up in mock surrender. “Alright, alright. You’ve got me there Mummy.”  Azalea chuckled at the exchange whilst Roselia looked between the three, blinking owlishly. Evangeline let out an exasperated sigh. She had long since gotten used to their antics but at times, she wondered how she was friends with such a strange group.

~~~

Ding! Dong!  The bell rung as every student that had previously been slumping in their seats, a bored expression plastered on their face, shot up. “Alright kiddos, schools over. Guess you’re saved by the bell.” Their teacher, Ms Williams, spoke. A mixture of groans and snickers were her reply. Ms Williams was a brunette with blonde tips. Her eyes were a harlequin green. She was rather ‘down-to-Earth’ and probably a favourite of many students attending the university. This included Azalea, Blaze, Rosalie, Damien, Alex and Evangeline. All six agreed that Ms Williams gave off this friendly aura that made her so approachable and easy to talk to. Ever since Azalea’s parents had divorced, Ms Williams had been like her motherly figure. Speaking of which, the redhead was currently packing her things up as the rest of the students had already left the classroom, or were in the process of walking out of the doorway. “See you, Miss.” “Goodbye Miss.” “See you next week.” “Have a good afternoon Miss.” Came the various responses of students as they left. Tonight, Azalea hoped to continue reading the journal. Her plans of continuing it were disrupted earlier by being brought (If brought meant forced) to the Gym at recess courtesy of Blaze and Alex, just to watch a basketball match and having to study for the upcoming test at Lunch with Damien and Evangeline. Just before Azalea exited the classroom, her name was called. “Azalea!” The said student turned away, a slightly panicked expression on her face. Ms Williams chuckled. “Don’t worry. You’re not in trouble. Could you please stay behind?” Azalea’s shoulders sagged in relief. “Oh. Okay. Sure Ms Williams.”

“Hey Azalea, you know if anything’s upsetting you if anyone’s causing you trouble…You can tell me, right?” Ms Williams asked, sincerity evident in her eyes. The redhead nodded but did not smile. “Yeah. I know.” She was lucky to have such a considerate person as her teacher. “Good.” The young teacher replied before her eyes grew a mischievous glint. Azalea’s eyes widened and she took a cautious step back. “What are you playing at?” She spoke warily. Ms Williams only let out an evil cackle, reminding Azalea of a witch. Seeing this, Azalea smirked slightly but quickly put on a ‘fearful’ expression. “W-Witch!” She shouted. “Oh dear, it seems you know, guess there’s no choice but to…” Suddenly the teacher launched forward. “Tickle you!” Azalea laughed as she rolled on the floor. “S-Stop! P-Please!” “Never!” And Ms Williams continued her assault. “I y-yield!” Azalea shrieked in-between gasping for air and laughing. The older female chuckled and stopped tickling the redhead. “There’s the smile I like to see.” Holding out a hand for the redhead, Azalea grabbed it and Ms Williams hoisted her up to her feet. “Thanks”  “No problem kiddo, see you tomorrow.” Azalea grabbed her things and nodded her head. “Yeah. See you tomorrow.” She headed towards the door with a wave.

~~~

As soon as Azalea reached her home, she hastily opened the door (Locking it afterwards) and dashed inside the warm house. She took off her black school shoes, hopped on one foot to take off her socks, and threw them into the first steel basin before she headed towards her room and changed into comfier clothes, in other words, her bright blue pyjamas that had pictures of kittens, her favourite animal. She sat down at her polished birch desk, flicking the lamp switch on. She pulled out the black book, opening it up to the bookmarked page. “Now, where was I?” She spoke to herself, knowing no one would answer and expecting no answer. Lifting a finger to follow the words, her eyes flitted across the page, skimming over the words and searching for where she had last left off. “Here it is.” Azalea mumbled as an anxious feeling settled in her. What would she find out? What would happen next? Questions such as these began to fill her head and she bit her bottom lip. As the anxiety turned into slight fear or dread. Her eyes hardened with determination and she shook her head. “Relax Azalea…What’s the worst that can happen?” Perhaps Azalea shouldn’t have said that perhaps she should have chosen her words more carefully, perhaps her curiosity will be the death for her, but then again, what’s life without a little risk?

As I was saying, ever since I was born, I was pressured to follow my father’s footsteps. Since he was a high-ranking official, I was expected to be just as good as him, if not better. Unfortunately, I’m not my father yet some people don’t seem to get that. At the time, I didn’t want to disappoint my family so I strived to be just like him. I admit to being oblivious and naïve at the time. I didn’t really see the harsh reality of this world and most likely took most things for granted. This likely included my parents. Looking back, I probably didn’t treasure them or be appreciative of them as much as I should have. I suppose now I know my mistake, but unfortunately, time can’t be rewound. It’s in the past so there’s no point lingering on it.

Now, back to the story. My life was actually quite normal. Nothing out of the ordinary happened during my junior years, nothing worth mentioning. As a child, Mutter[2] taught me about God as the school I attended was not Christian or Catholic. Despite attending a well-known school, my parents also helped educate me from time to time. Mutter taught me Russian and Vater [3] taught me German. Thanks to them, I’m able to speak both languages although my preferred language was German considering we lived in Germany and the fact that I can’t speak as fluent in Russian. I was also taught English as both of my parents agreed it would be beneficial for me as English is a common language. However, back to the story. It wasn’t until I was 17 that I decided to actually join the army. It was here that I learnt to not take life for granted. Life was not a game as I had first thought it was.

When I officially joined the Heer, I changed my name to Andreas as Nikolai was a Russian name. I still kept my mother’s surname despite it being Russian. It wasn’t the smartest move. People could trace the name back to Russian leading to me being considered a ‘Half-breed’. I suppose it was okay considering Germany and Russia’s relationships for that time period (Although later I’d regretted it).  If I had used my father’s name, I would most likely be singled out. I didn’t want that, not when I wanted to stick to the shadows. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It was a situation that I couldn’t win either way. However, I do believe I’m getting off task.

Life as a German soldier was quite difficult. There were various hardships we’d have to go through. At first, I absolutely hated the idea of death but I soon learnt that if you didn’t shoot first, they would and that could lead to you or your comrade’s death. I remember the mission as if it were yesterday. During my training camp days, I had made a friend in Bertholt Schmidt, a young aspiring soldier such as myself. He had light chestnut hair and emerald eyes. He was average, just like me, however, he had the kindest soul I’d ever met and a heart of gold. He was never suited for the army, yet he came anyways. “To fight for my country.” He had told me when I asked why he was here. Bertholt’s selflessness was the thing that had gotten him killed, along with my own hesitance to kill.

It was supposed to be an easy mission, yet one that’s success was important. Infiltrate, kill and return. That’s all there was to it and after years of training, it should have been easy to take down the enemy. I remember it vividly. Our leader had spoken to us beforehand, telling us of the plan. “Feur auf mein kommando” [4] he had told us. I remember lying in the trench we had dug, waiting for the signal. My palms were sweaty as they held onto the rifle, a Gewehr 98[5] just like the rest of my comrades. My fingers itched to pull the trigger but doing so would give our position away but then a thought came to me. Was I really ready to take someone’s life so easily? I frowned as this single thought rang through my head. I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I missed the signal. “Was machtst du?” [6] The soldier nearest to me hissed with a glare. I snapped out of my thoughts and murmured an apology. My eyes widened as a bullet flew past us, dangerously close to hitting its mark. They knew we were here. The unteroffizier[7] muttered a string of German curses before shouting “Feuer Frei!” [8]. I took aim, closing my left eye as I did so, a habit I had unconsciously created as it helped improve my accuracy. I had what seemed a perfect shot, but I couldn’t pull the trigger.

I remember shutting my eyes, thinking that if I didn’t look, I could do it. So with my eyes shut, I pictured the scene when I had heard a shout. “Andreas! Achtung!” [9]. Eyes snapping open, I looked around frantically. The next thing I knew was that Bertholt had pushed me aside and soon keeled over. I dropped my gun and ran over to him, turning him around. He was breathing erratically, wearing a blood-stained uniform and had a bullet lodged in his chest, close to where his heart would be as I recalled from a previous anatomy lesson.  I had known it was too late to save him, but I wanted to believe that it wasn’t. I watched him as he tried to speak, only to cough up blood. I remember pleading him to save his breath and that he would get through it but he only gave me a knowing glance and told me that he forgave me and that I shouldn’t blame myself. The next thing I remembered was his eyes dulled and soon lost their vividness and light, turning glassy and hollow. I remember his breathing slowed down until it stopped completely. I remember closing his eyelids and laying him down. He looked so peaceful that for a moment, I thought he was just sleeping. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. Bertholt Schmidt was dead, and it was all my fault.
Azalea’s breath hitched. She quickly placed a bookmark between the pages and slammed it shut, tossing it behind her, not caring where it fell on whether or not the pages ripped. She stood up and walked over to her bed, sitting down and breathing heavily, eyes wide in terror. She could imagine the scene in her head except, this time, she could imagine herself and her best friend, Evangeline instead of Nikolai (Or Andreas as he was called) and Bertholt. She clenched her eyes shut, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. Azalea was never one to cry. She was seen as fearless between her friends excluding Evangeline, they didn’t know that it was a false rumour. She had a severe case of thanatophobia, the fear of death also known as death anxiety. Thanatophobia wasn’t like necrophobia, a fear of dead things. No, thanatophobia was a fear of death itself, the process, the concept that when one died they would simply cease to ‘be’ or exist. It was far worse. Azalea had always had this feeling of dread when she thought of this idea. It started when she was 10, the year her grandfather died. At first, it was just this feeling of dread but by the time, she was 11, it had resulted to crying and 2 years later, it had gotten as worse as having panic attacks. At 15, she had managed to get over these attacks with the help of her friend but reading that one scene had brought back unwanted thoughts.  Burying her face into her hands she groaned in frustration. She regretted ever finding the book.

~~~

The next day, Azalea woke up tired from lack of sleep. Throughout the whole night, that one scene plagued her dreams. With a heavy sigh, she stepped off of the bus and walked over to the Jacaranda tree. She had used concealer to cover her eye bags but if one looked closely, one could tell that Azalea was acting differently today. “Hey.” The girl mumbled as she neared the group. Evangeline’s eyes narrowed. “What’s wrong?” The glasses-wearing girl asked in a soft tone that she rarely used. Damien’s brow furrowed as he ceased his chatter with Blaze. Alexis froze in her steps, concern flickering in her eyes despite her attempts at hiding it. Rose blinked before turning and spotting Azalea. Her eyes widened. “Azalea?” The mentioned girl gave a weak smile. “It’s nothing guys, thanks for the concern though.” Rose nodded in understanding before turning to Alex and tugging on her arm. Alexis looked down at the blonde, shot one last worried glance at Azalea before both girls walked off. “I think we should leave...” Damien muttered to Blaze as he began pulling him along. “I have feet you know.” “Hm? You know that simple fact? I’m surprised considering you barely use your brain.” “Hey! I know you’re jealous of my good looks but you don’t have to insult me, Sass Queen~” Damien laughed. “If that’s what helps you sleep at night, Snow White.” Meanwhile, Evangeline placed a hand on the redhead’s shoulder causing her to jump slightly. “Azalea. What’s wrong? Was it…that?” Azalea hesitantly nodded. Evangeline’s frown deepened before she hugged the girl. “You haven’t reacted for years. What caused the sudden attack?” “N-Nothing…” Although the brunette could tell Azalea was lying, she decided to leave it be. It wasn’t the best time to ask about it.

Azalea felt bad for lying to Evangeline. Although she most likely knew that Angel could tell she was lying, she still felt guilty. She was relieved that Evangeline didn’t interrogate further and glad that she had such a good friend. “The bell’s going to go soon.” Azalea gave a soft smile causing Evangeline to give a small smile back. “Let’s go.” The green-eyed female whispered as the brunette nodded and released her hug. “Yeah.” The two girls parted ways, heading to their respective locker. Once Azalea was sure that she was out of Evangeline’s hearing range, she glanced down to her satchel. The place where that book was currently lying. “This book…I need to get rid of it.” She whispered, ideas formulating in her head. Perhaps she could set it on fire, and let it burn to ashes. A little extreme, but she never wanted to see the black book again. However, a small part of her wanted her to continue reading, even if it would potentially harm her. A small part of her felt obliged to continue reading, to find out what happened to Nikolai afterwards. Azalea dismissed these thoughts. She would deal with the book later. For now, she would continue on her day as if it were any other day.

~~~

Pretending to be normal was harder than she thought it would be. She constantly found herself zoning out or having her thoughts drift away from the task at hand.











Despite all, she had said, as soon as school had ended and she started walking home, she found herself grasping the book once more. She was gripping the book so tightly that her knuckles were white.  “Once more peek couldn’t hurt…Right?” Although Azalea spoke this confidently, hesitance was evident in her eyes. The last pages she had read ended with her having another attack, she really regretted picking the book up. If she had known it would cause such problems in her life, she’d have left it where she found it. “It can’t be that bad.” She whispered, trying to reassure herself as Azalea flicked to a random page and began reading the contents. She feared that if she read from where she had last left off, she’d trigger another attack. It seems that luck wasn’t on her side.

~~~

2 years ago, 1939. Hitler had declared war after an invasion of Poland. He wanted to kill all Jews as he was against them. Hitler also believed that all Germans were the superior race. Unfortunately, I couldn’t back out of the army and it wasn’t just because of my promise to Bertholt.  I should have taken the chance when I could have but it was too late back then. I remember having being moved to the Waffen-SS, the specific armed force that was allied with Hitler and so protected. The elite of the elite. To this day, I have no idea why. There wasn’t much that I could do, however.

Life in the Waffen-SS was quite similar to serving in the Heer, albeit with higher standards and harsher training methods. I slowly adjusted until that. Concentration camps. Hitler began taking Jews, criminals, homosexuals, Romani and political opponents against the Nazi to concentration camps and I was to be part of the SS-Totenkopferbande [10]. I remember the first time I saw Jews being brought to sonderbehandlung [11]. Some resisted, preferring to go kicking and screaming but others seemed to accept their fate. Seeing them being brought to the Gas Chambers and actually watching them die was horrific. I couldn’t understand why or how Hitler could be as cruel as to kill someone but at least it wasn’t a slow death. At least the victims died quickly from the Carbon Monoxide Poisoning.  It was better than having them suffer a slow and painful death.

~~~
She stopped walking, just as she had finished reading the page. Narrowing her eyes, she frowned. “Damn my curiosity. I can’t continue reading this book. Ever since I started reading this book, everything’s been going downhill.” Azalea muttered angrily as she shoved the book into her satchel and continued walking, quickening her pace, feeling a mixture of frustration, guilt and pity. Whether it was for herself or Andreas, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she was irritated, however, unbeknownst to her, she had forgotten to close her bag and so the book toppled out, landing on the stone pathway, alone and abandoned.  Once she had turned the corner, a figure walked up to where the fallen object had landed. “What’s this? Andreas Nikolai Ivanovich? What an odd name...”  Reaching down, a hand grabbed the book.  “It seems like a journal. An old one too.” The figure mused. A pair of eyes looked up gleaming with mischief. “Well, finders keepers, and since I found this book, it’s mine now.” Placing the book away, the figure walked away leaving nothing but a lock of hair behind.

~~~
“Huh? I could have sworn I left it in my bag...” Azalea murmured, hand searching through the contents of her satchel. Taking the bag off of her shoulder, she turned it upside down, shaking it violently. A group of graphite pencils tied by an elastic band, a packet of tissues, a bottle of hand sanitizer and a sketchbook but no journal. “It’s not here.” Azalea dropped the bag and rushed off, looking in every nook and cranny. The bookshelf, her drawers, under the bed, it was nowhere to be found. Azalea paused in her tracks. “Wait a minute, the book’s gone…” It took her a few minutes to process this information before Azalea let out a gleeful shout. “It’s gone! I won’t have to read it ever again!” With a triumphant grin, she returned to her desk, opening her laptop. “Now, where was I? I need to finish that Science Assessment.”
~~
Only moments later, Azalea found herself wanting to bang her head on her desk. “This assessment is so boring,” She muttered, eying the open word document on her PC with disdain. Saving the document, she closed her laptop and stood up, walking towards the bookshelf. “Read this. Read this…Read this. I’ve read all of these books already.” An image of the journal flashed in her head. “No… I can’t think about it. Thinking about it will only prove a hindrance…But, as gloomy as the book could be, it was so interesting! No. Azalea!  Stop thinking about it.” She shook her head and sat down on her bed. “Still, it belonged to me. If someone stole it, I’d feel as if I were letting Andreas down.” Pacing around the room, the girl contemplated what to do. Should she just leave it how it is? Or should she try and find it, risking her phobia? Stopping, she made her choice.
~~~
The next day, Azalea headed to school. “Hey, Angel! Alex! Jinx! Sass Queen! Ro-“Her voice died down as she eyed the book in Roselia’s hands. “Where did you get that book?” The blonde looked up, blinking. “Oh! I found it in the library! It’s quite interesting, I was just showing it to the others.” Azalea narrowed her eyes. “I’ll say it again. Where did you get the book?” Rose’s eyes widened at Azalea’s tone. “I t-told you, I f-found it in the library!” “Hey, Spitfire. Back off Lil’ Rose a little.” Evangeline sent a concerned glance to Azalea. Azalea only scoffed. “Tell me the truth. You found it on the pathway, didn’t you?” “W-What?” The emerald-eyed female marched forward and grabbed the book. “This book is mine.” “B-But it say’s Andreas Nikolai Ivanovich on it, it can’t be yours. Could you please let go?” “It’s not mine directly, idiot. However, I found it at my house.” Alex growled. “Spitfire, what’s wrong with you? Look! You hurt Rose’s feelings.” She stepped forward threateningly. Evangeline narrowed her eyes. “No need to resort to violence, Alex.” “Move out of my way, Princess.” “Hey!” Damien stepped forward. “Let’s get to the bottom of this matter first, Alex.” Alex whirled around and turned to face him. “Stay out of this, Queenie.” “Oi! Alex, calm down!” Blaze shouted. “What was that, freak?” Blaze took a step back, hurt flashing across his face before he hid it. “Guys! Stop!” Evangeline raised her voice.

Azalea paused and glanced around. The previously close group were all fighting, and it was all her fault. She wouldn’t be this way if it weren’t for the book. She glanced towards Rose only to find she wasn’t there. The blonde was walking away, holding the book. “Rose!” Azalea yelled.  The group stopped fighting and turned to the blonde. Rose turned around. “Hm? Oh. It seems you’ve stopped fighting.” Rose is acting differently… “Well, I’ve got what I came for.” She held up the book and gave a wicked smirk before turning and walking off. “Wait! Give the book back!” Roselia paused. “Give me one good reason.” “Because it’s my book! I found it first!” Roselia’s smirk widened. “Wrong answer. You see, when you dropped this little old thing and I found it, it became mine. I mean, you know the saying. Finders, keepers. Losers, weepers. So too bad, it’s my book now.” “W-What? Rose…You were lying?” Rose chuckled. “Of course I was lying. Jeez, you’re thicker than I thought.” “Why?” Rose blinked. “Why what?” Damien scowled. “Why would you betray us?” He spoke firmly, voice unwavering. “Wait…Don’t tell me, not even the genius Damien knows?” She spoke with mock amazement. Damien only narrowed his eyes. “Answer the question, Roselia.”

“Aw, back to formalities? Well, if you insist, Damien. You see, I used you.  I knew that Azalea had moved into the previous holder of this journal’s house. So I waited and put up with you lot so that you would trust me. And when Azalea finally found the journal, I began to make my move. Skip the important details and here I am, standing in front of you with the journal.” “Why is the journal so important to you anyways?” Azalea spoke up. Roselia only chuckled. “It isn’t.” “Then why go through all of this trouble?” “Oh, that? Well for one I enjoy seeing the look on your faces but the main reason is that I know someone who is willing to pay a lot of money for this journal.” “So it’s all for the money?” “Of course, money can buy you everything.” Blaze snorted. “Too bad it can’t buy her a boyfriend, not once she’s revealed her true colours.” “I can hear you perfectly fine you know.” Roselia rolled her eyes. “Now, enough chit-chat. I have a book to deliver.”  The blue-eyed girl began walking away. Azalea stared at the ground, thinking of what to do. She wasn’t one to give up so easily.

“Wait!” Roselia turned around to face Azalea. “You again? What is it now? Be grateful I’m even giving you a moment of my day to answer your questions.” “Arrogant much?” Blaze whispered to Damien, earning a sharp glare in return. Putting his hands up in mock surrender, Rose looked back to Azalea. “Who’s the client?” “I’m afraid that’s confidential information. You actually thought I’d answer that?” Despite the insult, Azalea wasn’t deterred. “I repeat, who is the client? It’s not like I can track them down.” Rose’s lips curled upwards into a wicked smirk. “Well, if you really want to know that desperately…It was her.” Azalea’s eyes followed where Roselia was pointing. There, stood Ms Williams. “Thank you, dear, I’ll be taking that.” Trading the journal with what looked like a check, Ms Williams turned to the five. “Hello, honestly I didn’t expect you to all find out this way. Ah well. I’ll be going now. Pleasure doing business with you Rose.” Azalea looked down. “B-But I trusted you…” Ms Williams chuckled. “Yes, and you trusted Rose too and look where that got you. Betrayal hurts, doesn’t it?” Azalea didn’t respond. Evangeline wondered why Azalea wanted the journal back if it caused her phobia to act up again. Then again, if it was important to her friend, it was important.

“So we know that Roselia wanted the journal for money, what about you Ms Williams?”  “I was wondering when one of you kids would ask that question.  You see, this book belonged to my grandmother’s brother “I’m sure Azalea would be willing to give it to you if you explained that in the first place.” “I’m not finished, kiddo. It could also be seen as a priceless artefact or something along those lines for historians. It is an account of the war itself, albeit slightly biased.  Either way, they’d pay even more than what I promised to dear Rosie.” Rose glanced at the check before noticing it was blank. “You tricked me.” “So it seems,” Damien spoke up. “So your reason is also money?” “Oh no, it’s to prevent them from getting this book.” Ms Williams pulled out a matchbox and lit a match. “I was planning on burning it.”  Bringing the match closer to the book, Azalea looked up. “Stop!” The redhead ran forward and grabbed the book. Tugging it towards her, Ms Williams frowned. “Let go of the book Azalea.” “No. I won’t let you destroy this book.” “Stubborn as always, I see.” Ms Williams pulled the book out of Azalea’s hands, easily overpowering her considering she was a full-grown adult. “Too bad there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”  

“Freeze! Hands up, where we can see them. Drop the book!” A voice shouted. Everyone turned to where they came from. The police were here, but who called them? Blaze held up his phone, grinning. “I guess I forgot to mention my dad was a police officer. Shocking, am I right?” At Damien’s blank stare, he pouted. “Aw come on! That was a good one. Shocking since he has a Taser, right because he works for justice?” Damien rolled his eyes with a chuckle. Thud! The journal hit the ground as Ms Williams raised both hands, one still holding the match.  “Drop the match.” Ms Williams stayed silent. “I said, drop the match.” The police officer and Blaze’s father repeated. The air was tense before the ex-teacher smirked. She dropped the match. It landed on the book. Chaos soon followed. Azalea ran over to the book. By now, it was already on fire. She frowned. Suddenly, she was drenched in cold water. The fire died down as Azalea turned to the culprit. “Roselia?” The blonde scoffed. “Don’t think of this as an act of kindness, I just wanted to pour water on you.” Alex approached the blonde, slinging an arm around her neck. “You know, I think I may prefer this Rose compared to the one from before.” Rose rolled her eyes. “Get off of me Alex.” “Nah, this is quite comfy, you know?”

“Should we go?” Blaze whispered to Damien. “You know, you’re idea of whispering is just quietly shouting. You might as well speak normally.” “Fine, fine! Let’s go. Man, I still can’t believe both Ms Williams and Rose betrayed us!” “Hm. Well, Rose was manipulated so you can’t really blame her.” “You’re defending Rose, what, does someone have a crush?” Damien’s cheeks reddened as he glared. “Blaze!” “Ah, so it’s true?” Damien looked away. “Maybe.” “So who’s the lucky girl?” “As if I would tell you, Snow White.” Blaze raised an eyebrow. “Back to name-calling? And I thought I was childish, Sass Queen.” “Oh, hush. And you know, a Queen is superior to a princess.” “So you’re admitting you’re a girl?” Damien playfully shoved Blaze before walking off. “No! Don’t leave me, my love!” “You know, maybe you’re nickname should be Drama Queen instead” “If I’m a drama queen, then what are you now? A drag queen?” “Just hurry up Blaze.” “Okay, okay.” Blaze ran after Damien.

Meanwhile, Evangeline walked up to Azalea. “Are you okay?” Azalea only gestured to the book. Roselia’s action may have put out the flame, but it had also drenched the book. “Oh. I thought you wanted to get rid of the book though?” “Yeah, but if I had known it could have been of use to the historians, I would have handed it in.” “Azalea, don’t fret about it. What’s done is done. Come on, let’s go get some ice-cream.” Azalea looked up to Evangeline. “You know, we still have school.” “I believe there’s a word called ditching. Besides, you look like you could use the cheering up.” Her brow quirked up in surprise. “The so-called Lady has heard of the word ditching and actually suggested it first? What have you done with Evangeline?” Evangeline laughed. “Come on, get up. I’ve heard that there’s this pretty good ice-cream place around here. I’ve always wanted to try it.” She held out a hand for the redhead. Azalea took her hand and stood up. “Sure, let’s go.” The two girls walked off and that was the end of that.

~~~

The book closed. “I’ve always wondered what my mother meant when she and Miss Evangeline referred to the little black book. I guess now I know. It’s quite ironic actually, she found this journal and decided to record it down in her own journal.” Standing up, a girl walked over to the bookshelf. Placing the book back, she walked back to the desk. “I wonder if one day I too would create a journal.” The girl laughed, emerald eyes sparkling. “I most likely will. I guess Andreas Nikolai Ivanovich’s legacy lived on. In a way, his journal was his legacy. I suppose that will be passed down from generation to generation in the Faye family. From my mother’s diary to my own and to my children’s diary. Ah, but that won’t happen anytime soon.” After a few seconds of silence, she spoke once more. “The only thing I would wish for is that we learnt more about Andrea’s past. There’s a high chance he died in the war. Ah well. What’s done is done. And that’s the end of that.”
She turned the lamp off as the room became pitch black.

[End]
Glossary;
Heer: The German Army and the land force component of the Wehrmacht.
Wehrmacht: The Unified Armed Forces of Nazi Germany (1935-1946). It consists of the Heer (The Army), the Kriegsmarine (The Navy) and the Luftwaffe. (The Air Force)
Mutter: Mother in German.
Vater: Father in German.
Feur auf mein Kommando: Translates to ‘Fire on my command’ in English.
Gewehr 98: A German Mauser rifle that was the German service rifle from 1898-1935.
Was machtst du: Translates to ‘What are you doing?’  In English.
Unteroffizier: A military rank of the Heer. It's also a collective term for Non-commissioned officers.
Feuer Frei:  Translates to ‘Fire at will’ in English.
Achtung: Translates to Watch Out or Look out in German.
SS-Totenkopferbande: This organisation is also known as the 'Death's Head' was responsible for the Nazi concentration camps.
Sonderbehandlung: The word for 'Special Treatment' also known as a Nazi euphemism meaning torture or killing people in detention.