The Hills Have Plumbers

Attack in the Mountains

"This is your family? What a bunch of ug-" said Luigi, interrupted by Peach's slap.

"Your family seems wonderful, as my good friend, LUIGI, was saying..." said Peach.

Luigi sighed. Pluto's family all looked at the gang. Outsiders on the mountain. One of the family came over to Peach.

"Well, looky here," said the kid.

The kid started slobbering with gross saliva on Peach's face.

"Ick! Get away, you creep!" yelled Peach in utter disgust.
The kid started laughing monsterously. It was not a comfortable laugh at all. Not one of those HA HA that's funny, we're all friends, we're good laughs. It was more of a creepy mutant evil laugh.
"That's my son, Burg," said Pluto.
"And there's Brandy, Randy, Tickson, Gickson, and Bobby. They're just a delight, ain't they?" said Pluto.

"Um...yeah...you said something about staying here? Do you have a tent or something?" said Peach.

"Oh, no, no, no. We're not fancy or anything. We got some rooms for ya in the dirt over there," said Pluto.

Luigi and Mario gasped as they saw beds in the dirt where Pluto apparently expected them to sleep. Luigi turned his head back to Mario.
"You see? You see that? They have beds in the dirt! What kind of family has beds in the dirt for people to sleep in?!" said Luigi in a soft voice.

"What was that?" said Pluto.

"Nothing, nothing at all, Pluto," said Mario.

"Good. Well then, you folks better get some rest. You wanna' build up an appetite for dinner," said Pluto smiling slightly.

Peach gulped.
"Why thank you, Pluto," said Peach.

Pluto laughed really hard as he walked inside with the rest of his family. One of the family looked at the gang with a small smirk. His smile with a big cut in his lip up to his nose, like he'd  been in a bad accident with no doctor to help. A drop of blood hit the sand from the boy's mouth as he walked inside the cave. Peach just stared. Stared at the cave for minutes as the rest of the gang headed over to the beds. Eventually, Peach headed over too.
"Uggh...these beds are horrible. And they smell like rancid sewage!" said Kong.

"Yeah, Kong's right, man. I think we'd better sleep in the van," said Toad.

"Yeah? Or maybe we hightail it out of here, right now," said Luigi.

"Okay, Luigi. I want you to shut up and man up, because we're out of gas, and unless you want to push the car 230 miles back to the Mushroom Kingdom, be my guest," said Toad.

"No Toad, Luigi's right," said Peach.

"See? Who's the genius now?" said Luigi.

"I suddenly have a bad feeling about this place. Something doesn't feel right. Let's go into the car for now," said Peach.

The gang agreed with Peach and Luigi, and hightailed it over to their car. Only to find their car gone. One of the boys was standing in the exact place of the car.
"Leaving so soon? It's not even dinner time yet," said the boy.

"Where's our car? Give us our car, or I'll beat the living crap out of you, boy," said Luigi.

The boy laughed. And laughed some more.
"Alright, that's it..." said Luigi.

Luigi took a swing at the boy, but the boy dodged the punch and bit Luigi in the arm. Luigi screamed as blood gushed out his arm. The rest of the gang screamed and ran off into the distance. Luigi started running as well. Pluto came out of the cave in a hurry.
"It looks like our guests are leaving, pa!" said the boy.

"Oh, yeah? Well, guess what? It's dinner time!" screamed Pluto.

Luigi, Donkey Kong, Mario and Peach kept running off into the distance until they found a far off cave to hide in.
"Wait, guys!" screamed Luigi tagging behind with his injured arm.

Luigi eventually caught up with the rest and ran into the cave.
"Do you think they saw us?" said Donkey Kong.

"No. I don't think so. This cave should be good protection for now," said Mario.

Luigi started wincing in pain from the bite. Putting his hand against the bite for pressure.
"Oh my gosh, that's a bad wound," said Mario.

"We need to get something on it," said Peach.

"Maybe those cave people have something. I mean, they did have a shack made out of wood. They'd need something to do that," said Donkey Kong.

"Kong's right. We gotta sneak inside," said Peach.

"But how?" asked Luigi.

"We'll need bait," said Donkey Kong.

"Oh my gosh. Bait? Oh no, I'm not going out there and getting killed by those monsters," said Mario.

"I'll do it," said Donkey Kong.

"Kong, no! I'll do it! Stay here!" said Peach.

"No, Peach. This is a donkey's job," said Kong rushing out the cave.
The cavemen were still following the gang, with clubs and spikes and sharp mutant teeth that made the gash in Luigi's arm. Kong just looked at the cavemen in fright and fear.

"Kong! Don't freeze! Run!" yelled Mario.

Kong started screaming as he ran fast away from the cavemen. The cavemen kept following Kong, with Pluto as their leader.
"Come on! Don't you wanna' stay for dinner?!" yelled Pluto crazily.

Pluto started laughing hard as he ran. Peach saw the cavemen running away.
"Okay, the coast is clear. I'm gonna make a run for it. This is for you, Luigi," said Peach.

Luigi smiled slightly and then turned back to wincing in pain. Peach smiled and then ran off to the cave. Pluto and his children were still on the chase for Kong. Kong eventually lost the cavemen and took shelter in an abandoned outhouse.
"I'll be safe in here," said Kong.

The cavemen kept hunting for Kong. Eventually they decided to split up.
"Okay kids, I'll get on the lookout from the cliff, and you keep huntin' for that friend of ours," said Pluto.

Pluto laughed and then ran up a cliff and looked out. The kids started laughing crazily and running to still hunt down Kong. Peach had made it to the cave. It was a dark and gloomy entrance. With spiders and centipedes and other crazy things.
Peach walked inside and saw a whole home the cavemen had built from things. But as she looked closer, she realized the things were made from human bodies. Feet in jars, heads in cans, like a mad scientist's lair.
"Oh my gosh...the cavemen are...cannibals," said Peach.

Peach eventually saw some old cloth.
"Jackpot," said Peach.

Peach walked over to the old piece of cloth and grabbed it. It was small, but big enough to cover Luigi's wound. Peach turned around to leave as she saw one of the cavemen boys standing right by her. Peach gulped.
"Oh, little girl, do you like our home? It's too bad that you won't be able to enjoy it much longer," said the boy.

Peach saw an axe in the corner. She looked back at the stark raving mad boy. She grabbed the axe.
"Take this you dirty cannibal!" yelled Peach.

Peach axed the boy in the head. The boy moaned as blood poured out his head. Peach ran out of the cave with the old cloth as the boy fainted onto the cave floor, dead.