my forgotten memories
I didn't understand what she said or anything. But I heard my striped mother's soft voice say "oh thank you so much!" The shecat introduced herself. "I'm Soundwave this rude Tom who tried to scare you off is Steelheart this is glimmerfur this is glassmouth and this is Diamondear" she said. Steelheart began to bicker "Come! Off with ya in center!" He chased my mom into a circle surrounded by the patrol. She held me and my siblings close. "So what brings ya out here and...what's your name by the way?" Soundwave asked her.
"Our clan has been attacked by a bear...it looked like a brown badger but a ton bigger! And I'm stripe and these kits are Diamond,Shadow and Skinny" my mother smiled. "Oh! They look adorable! Shadow looks just like you!" She said. My mother smiled at her then Steelheart growled as my mother dropped her tail and ears in shame "Your lucky Soundwave has gotten me in a good mood lately! If it weren't for her you would be crow food!" Suddenly my mother lashed when she saw him soon enough give me a harsh look "Look steelheart! I don't care if your a deputy,a very strong cat,leader or whatever! I have tried to admit your dominance over me and my kits shamefully and I WILL put you in proper shape if I have to!" Steelheart secretly scared and lost his confidence disguises his fear with a grim look towards my protective mother as he slowly got back in a perfect circle I looked in front of me to see a faint glimpse of a territory it smelled different from my birth home I smelled a fat fresh plump vole even though I wasn't able to grind it down my throat yet I still wanted my watering mouth to get a first taste of at least a bit of vole. My sister and brother seemed uninterested by our surroundings I just wanted to sleep...I was exhausted from the stress...all the new things...it was exhausting though my mother looked...unhappy not even content or happy that we at least got a place to stay.my mother walked into the nursery and sat for a moment as she licked my sister's head grooming us I was looking at the queens surrounding us with their kits eyeing my mother seeming to be uncomfortable with my bloodclan mother in their den they were fine with us. The only thing they disliked about me and my siblings were the fact that we had bloodclan scent and smelled like a hint of skunks flank. Slowly after my mother had looked to see a large brown Tom come up to us "greetings bloodclan cats. I am Ruststar of Forestclan." My mother politely dipped her head. The rest was inaudible except for a few words. "No! You can't take me away from my kits!" My mother hissed "besides just because we are bloodclan doesn't mean you need to harm us!" She hissed again. "The kits are fine. But you are tainted of Bloodclan. Your kits are in no shape to travel and we aren't going to. Let them rot away with you...we need to let you go. But the kits stay with us." Ruststar calmly retorted to her. "Not unless I have something to say about it!" A Gray cat emerged from the shadows of the trees he smelled familiar and weared a collar of bones like my mother had. Ruststar glared upwards to the Tom that seemed to be a leader "Tear! You shouldn't be here! Your on forestclan territory! And it's especially dangerous to be out here without a warrior escort!" Ruststar once again stated "Stripe belongs to Bloodclan! So do her kits then too besides those are the kits of our strongest warrior, Dark! And their mother ranks second best! If you take her or the kits your 1 technically stealing our cats as forceful imprisonment and 2 your breaking the warrior code right now! Besides if we don't have those kits bloodclan won't have many more strong cats left! Dark just died defending our clan from the bear and his kin are all we have left! They carry his blood! His skill,his inner inferno! Right inside them!" He ordered to Ruststar. "You can take stream to make more "strong kits" but if you only care about these kits for their heritage then you have no right to keep them!" Ruststar carefully nudged the kits towards himself in case tear intends to pull a sly trick of his "very well. We fight for the custody of the kits! Bloodclan vs forestclan tomorrow! Whoever wins takes darks kits."Ruststar nodded angrily at Tear as he and Stream left.
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Also: I think you have something called a 'snake in your sentences'. Most of your sentences are very long, without a lot of puncuation! Try to break them down into smaller parts for a more dramatic effect See More on your reader.
I touched on this in the others: The main problem is your punctuation. I don't really understand what is going on? You lost me at 'BloodClan', sorry!
Otherwise, good job :)
???/5 stars!
Holy s*it you missed a comma! Call the ambulance I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown! And you missed a capital letter I have to dial 9-9-9. Help meeeee!