Confused
...and things got complicated.
“Ciao!” You had greeted him. “I’m Hetalia; what’s your name?”
The peculiar younger fandom gave you an odd look. His green eyes seemed to pierce through you like knives, cutting you open and examining you, judging you. He scowled, and pearly white fangs peeked out from beneath his dark lips. He was beautiful in an odd way, but also very, very intimidating.
“Homestuck.” His reply was curt, almost spat out. You could tell he didn’t like you. Why should he? You were a small webmanga with ridiculous curly hair, glasses, and a bomber jacket that was way too big for him (You grew into it later, but you were still “a twinkie” at this time.). His disdain came as no surprise.
You continued trying to talk to him, nevertheless. Without fail, every friendly comment or question asked was answered with scorn, curses, insults, or irritation. Those scrutinizing eyes had found something to hate about you, and he wasn’t letting go of it. You eventually had to back off out of fear for your life.
You chose to not try to interact with him again: He was too unpleasant, frightening, and possibly, dangerous. You didn’t seek him out…
...but he found you.
It was clear he didn’t like you. In fact, he was very expressive of his dislike of you; you learned quite a few new curses that you would never use. However, he couldn’t seem to leave you alone. Homestuck would seek you out just to pick fights with you. After a bit of taunting, you began treating the younger fandom just as nastily. It was all talk, though.
Eventually, Homestuck started getting violent in your conflicts. He seemed to legimately want to fight you. You, being the cowardly pacifist you’ve always been, would either try to run away or let him beat you up. On one particular occasion, he shouted in frustration about “a kismesis who won’t fight back” before giving you one final kick and storming away.
However, a bully fandom making your everyday life Hell wasn’t confusing; you could understand a hater. Your confusion began after your little rivalry had been going on for almost a year.
You and Homestuck had been arguing again, sending retorts back and forth. You struggle to remember exactly what was said. He snatched your glasses from off your face and taunted you with them. You angrily shouted at him that you hated him. The gray fandom responded by holding your glasses up higher than you could reach -- a childish move. You could have just left. After all, your eyes weren’t very bad and you could still see fine. However, you refused to let him get away with your glasses. You got closer to him and reached high…
Homestuck’s black lips suddenly met yours. You froze, feeling your face growing hot, and your arm lowered in shock. After a few seconds, the other fandom pulled away. He stared at you with those two piercing, green knives of his, and you stared back dumbfounded. When you came to your senses, you did the most sensible thing you could in that situation: You socked the ------- in the face.
The webcomic recovered quickly from the blow, to his credit. You tensed, expecting him to retaliate. He didn’t. He displayed a triumphant smirk with lime green blood streaming down from his now-broken nose. Turning around on his heel, he tossed your glasses over his shoulder and smugly sauntered away. The total -------.
...But he kissed you. Mio Dio, he kissed you, and it didn’t seem fake. Why would he suddenly display affection for you?
That moment was all you could think about for the rest of the day. Did he hate you or did he like you? Did he do it just to troll you? Provoke you? That seemed most likely, but something about it did seem sincere. It continued to weigh on your mind until you reached a conclusion: What if he doesn’t know how to express positive feelings for other people? That would be so sad! If he doesn’t know how to start and maintain a friendship, how could he ever have friends? He must drive everyone away without even realizing why! The poor guy must be so lonely! After a few more days observing his behavior (in a totally not-stalkerish way), you were certain that was it. You made it your goal to befriend him and show him what love and friendship really were!
It didn’t go so well. As much as you tried to be nice and friendly to him, he seemed determined to put you down and make you angry. Often, you’d find yourself falling back into your habits of retaliation against him. You said some pretty nasty things, but you always caught yourself before going too far. Sometimes, his shouting almost sounded desperate or panicked, often matching a similar hint in his eyes; it was almost as if he wanted you to be angry with him.
You left for Japan shortly after a bad fight and stayed there for a few months. Your season five redesign took place during this time: You were taller and didn’t wear your glasses anymore. You felt like a new fandom, and your resolve to befriend the younger webcomic was refreshed as you returned to America.
You found Homestuck pretty easily; he hadn’t moved away. He seemed perfectly happy to fall back into his old routine of pestering you, though he was now visibly more cautious. The fact that you had suddenly outgrown him seemed to make his annoyance toward you worse.
Over the next few weeks you took notice of a couple of things. One, Homestuck was often beaten and insulted by anons and other fandoms. Second, he seemed to work under the belief that the world hated his guts. It was a pitiful thing to see. You desperately wanted to help him, to give him someone to count on. First, there was a certain misconception to clear up.
“Hey, Homestuck!” you called while jogging up to the short, gray fandom.
“Look what the pawbeast dragged in,” he huffed to no one in particular. As you caught up, he added, “----, it reeks, too!”
“You’re one to talk! Hav-” You caught yourself and stopped. “I’m sorry.”
“What?” He faced you and gave you a questioning look with a half-scowl attached.
"I’m sorry for everything I’ve said to you,” you began. “Well, the mean stuff. I didn’t mean any of it. The truth is, I don’t actually hate you, and I never have hated you!”
You smiled at him, believing that you had just brightened his world However, when you looked at his face, your eyes testified of another story. Homestuck looked…hurt. Those green knives, always so sharp, appeared dull and stared at you in almost disbelief. His frown hung open slightly, his fangs showing; you couldn’t tell if his jaw was slack or if he was trying to say something.
You waited for a smile to appear on his face. He was probably just shocked and unsure how to respond...or something. That was when you noticed a glistening in his eyes, and he took a step back. Lowering his head, he turned tail and quickly walked away without a word. You called out to him, but he didn’t show any signs of having heard you.
Desperate, you ran and caught up with him. The gray fandom turned around and lashed out with a hand, scratching your cheek, before running away. In that split second he faced you, you definitely saw a green tear rolling down his face…
It’s been a week and you haven’t spoken with Homestuck at all. You saw him once, but he absconded when he noticed you. You don’t understand: You were being nice, weren’t you? What did you do wrong?
You are very confused.
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