qfeast wants me to post

oh no

I stared at the red notification, not knowing what it meant. I clicked on it, hoping it would close away. It did not.

“We highly recommend you post something on qfeast to keep your followers entertained!” It said.

I laughed. “What followers? I am but a fool who does not have those.”

Just kidding, I did not laugh and merely dismissed the notification. But it came back.

It said those oh so threatening words again, so what did I do? I wrote a story with the most sarcasm I could. I just broke the fourth wall. How do you feel, nerds?

  I then completed the story and hoped the notification would bother me no longer.

OH HO HO BUT I WAS MISTAKEN, IT WOULD NOT BE THAT EASY.

  I read the words it presented me. “1000 characters or more.”

Well then, I suppose I can write some more. I will write until I think it is 1000. I really like cheesecake. That’s important. I have school tomorrow and I want to die.

  I clicked on the publish story once more.

I sobbed, for I had not reached 1000. OH WAIT I HAVE NOW

I cried once more, for it said I needed 2000, actually. I began typing again, putting down random nonsense as I hoped these crazy long fancy weird wacky words would help me reach 2000.

“Please,” I begged, “let me finish it.”

I thought back to my ELA teacher, who always said not to include too much dialogue. Hopefully that upped my word count. And that. And that. And that.


“ANTIDISTABLISHMENTARIANISM!” I shouted. Please Jesus let me finish this godforsaken story. I don’t care about it. Oh my god let me finish it. I am UPSET AND TIRED IT’S 5 A.M.

I looked down at my word count, which needed about 400 more characters. I kept typing in order to gradually bring the number downward.

I sighed, for this was dragging on forever.

“ANTICALIFRAGILISTICEXPEAELADOSIS!” I sobbed, wanting to be free of this hell I was forced into.

I persevered thoroughly, hoping greatly that these lengthy words would help the word count. ONLY A FEW MORE. ONCE THIS SAYS IM OKAY I WILL STOP WRIT