Revised Edition of Bloody Head

Bloody Head (Memoir)

        Ever since I was in the 2nd grade, I was determined to become a doctor; one who can help a lot of people heal from their injuries. I also wanted to earn a lot of money so that in the future I can take care of my mom when she gets older and I can help my older sister and brother with any problems they may have. I wanted to impress my family, to show that I can work hard and become a doctor. But my goal to become a doctor changed when I went to JC Penny during my 5th grade summer vacation.
        My mom, brother, sister, and I went to the Manhattan Mall on 34th street. We were looking forward to shop for many clothes. I was so excited that I was smiling from ear to ear, and the sun was shining upon my face, causing my dark brown eyes and my bright white teeth to glisten. I was leaping with joy and every step I took towards the front doors of the mall made my heart beat with anticipation. I really hoped that my mom would buy me nice clothes!
        We entered the mall through the crowded glass doors. The mall was filled with people and we heard the chatters, murmurs, and shouts coming from people around us. There were many small stores in the mall, but our main focus was to go to JC Penny. So, we walked towards the escalator that led to JC Penny, with my arm looped around my mom’s arm. I couldn’t bear the excitement and so I skipped towards the escalator with my silky brown hair, tied in a ponytail, flapping up and down, hitting against the back of my tanned neck. My pink sleeveless dress swayed and my sparkling sandals made clicking sounds on the floor as I skipped. We stood on the escalator, gripping onto the black rubber handle on the side, as it slowly brought us to the platform. We were greeted by JC Penny workers in their black uniform, handing out coupons to us that said, “$10 off if you buy $25 or more.” “This isn’t a really good deal, but perhaps we may use that much money anyways,” I said to my mom.
        “Well, we’ll have to see if there is any nice clothing that we may buy,” my mom said, holding the strap of her small black crossbody bag, preparing to walk further into the JC Penny store.
        “True,” my brother agreed as he nodded his head.
        “Oh my god, look over there!” my sister shouted, as she shook my shoulder and pointed towards the escalator.
        “What?” I asked. “Oh.”
        There on the escalator were two middle aged women leaning against the stairwell of the escalator, with blood covering parts of their heads. They cried with agony as they held their heads with their hands. My mouth was wide open and my eyes were opened so wide that I felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out. Hundreds of thoughts were running through my head. Oh my god, how did this happen? Why are they covered with blood? This is so scary, I thought to myself. A puddle of deep red blood surrounded the escalator, terrifying and shocking me. The JC Penny guards rushed to the two women, asking if they were fine and immediately called 911. The escalator stopped working and people began crowding around the scene.
        People started whispering and mumbling to each other. Pandemonium started to fill the air. People around us began asking, ”What happened?” and that’s exactly what I asked my sister. “What happened?” I asked.
        “Oh my god! That was so scary. I literally saw a woman rolling down the escalator, toppling over the woman in front of her. Then, they were rolling down the escalator together. I feel so bad for them!” my sister said, with both her hands on the sides of her head.
        “Oh my god! Really?” a woman panicked as she came by to us.
        “Yes! It was so crazy! Besides, I don’t how the woman tripped over the escalator anyways!” my sister exclaimed.
        They started talking about the incident while I thought to myself, What would happen if I become a doctor and saw my patient like these two women, crying in pain of their bloody head? What would happen if I was unable to help them and fortuitously killed them? I wouldn’t be able to take this remorse and guilt if this happened to me in the future when I become a doctor. It would be eerie to think that I made a minor mistake while saving my patient, and then it resulted to their death. I decided right at that moment that I would not become a doctor. So I declared to my mom, sister, and brother, “I don’t really want to become a doctor anymore.”
        “Why?” my mom asked, her face full of bewilderment.
        My brother tilted and scratched his head, while my sister’s face was full of confusion at the sudden outburst. “Because I do not want to kill anyone when I’m saving my patient. It’s scary to see them die in front of me. Seeing these two women on the escalator made me think of myself, accidentally killing them if they were my patients,” I replied.
        “How? It’s not like they are in serious condition,” my mom pointed out.
        “Maybe what I said sound like an exaggeration, but you would never know what would happen in reality if I had  encounter this situation as a doctor. I take things seriously and I do not want to teem with compunction if I don’t think more clearly and distinctively on my future,” I explained.
        “Okay, that’s fine, if that’s what you want. I’m glad that you can make your decisions on your own and that you can differentiate which suits you best,” my mom said as she placed her hand on my shoulder.
        “Thanks. I kind of think that it is weird of me to talk about all this doctor career when we really should care more about those two women who fell down the escalator, but I’m also glad that you can just give me the most reassuring response on my decision of not becoming a doctor. It makes me feel more confident that I won’t regret my decision,” I said as I hugged my mom. “I love you, mommy,” I added.
“I love you too,” my mom replied.
“How did this become kind of like a sweet mommy and daughter conversation, when we are seeing two bloody women on the escalator?” my brother asked.
        “Weren’t you listening to what I was saying about how I don’t want to be a doctor anymore?” I said as I let go of the hug.
        “Well just that part and then afterwards, I focused onto those two women.”
        “You should’ve listened to what I said,” I scowled.
        “Whatever,” my brother mumbled.
        This event in my life is significant because it made me realize how in this world, nothing is perfect. It made me notice that not everything is made the way you want it to be. In particular, I wanted to become a doctor to help other people, but on the other hand, I don’t want to unintentionally hurt them instead. I know that either result is possible to happen when it comes to saving a life of a person. I know that there are some risks when saving a person, but this event made me envision on how complicated and complex it is when dealing a wounded person in reality. It is stressful to think of what doctors have to go through during the days they work and I do not want to go through what some doctors do.
        This event may seem really simple and silly to think that two women who fell down the escalator at JC Penny can change my perspective on how it is to become a doctor, but it’s really not that simple. Some stuff may impact others differently and I am one who can be pretty sensitive on certain issues and take things a bit more seriously. I took this event as an indication that life is not simple as how you may think it is. I thought things were more simple when I was younger, but thinking more thoroughly in this event made me realize how some issues are arduous. For instance,  I wanted to become a doctor when I was younger, but I didn’t think that becoming a doctor is harder than what it sounds like. I finally figured this out from this JC Penny incident. I realized that the role of a doctor is not suitable for me - it is too much to withstand if I can’t even take this event as if it was no big deal.
It is really hard to make the major decisions in my life but you have to try to make the right decisions. This event had made me think a step further on how reality is like, and because of that, I am unsure of what my goal is to be in the future. Hopefully one day, I will find an occupation that I may want to be and that is preferable to me in the future.