Forever Gone

Blood Red

As I was getting my nails done, I started humming, humming a tune that did not exist but was catchy to me.
My fingernails before were yellow, but after a while they became ugly and saturated, so last weekend I applied nail polish remover to them all, then the nail polish remover ran out.
“Crap,” I swore, “The nail polish remover,” if I did not have any, what happens when I mess it up big time? I told myself to pay very good attention to what I did.

Half way through my first hand, my dad called me down for dinner,
“Lizzie, dinner,” I smiled; I like being called Lizzie, not Elizabeth or ‘Lizzie Lizard’.
I placed the nail polish brush on the tissue and skipped to the stairs, I felt a strange ‘tip’ as I reached my door, and I stopped for a second but kept going.

We were having pantry food, which is strange because you would probably guess that with people like us, we would be having lobster or some dish that was all fancy with a quiet dinner table and shiny cutlery.

I chose mac and cheese, my favourite, as it was cooking in the microwave I tapped on my knee to the beat and was humming again, and then my dad walked in.
“So what about you, are you having any food, tonight?” I asked, I started tapping my foot to the same beat and rested my elbow on the cabinet.
“Nah, well yeh maybe, maybe later though,” he said after some thought, I nodded.

“You know, Lizzie, I really appreciate you seeing us again, since it’s been so long,” he smiled as we were both standing there in silence; I decided not to tell him that it was indeed mum’s idea.
“Yeh, it’s been too long I guess, you know,” I smiled back; as we both were silent until the loud BRING sound the microwave gave when it was done.
“I think I might get that,” as I excused myself, I began taking the bowl to my room until dad called something out, “Make sure you don’t drop any, kay?” but I turned to see that it was not actually my dad saying it, it was The Dragon.
I nodded and walked away without any interest in her.

As I walked into my room, I almost dropped my bowl but placed it on the table closest to me just in time.
“Crap,” I gasped, I saw that my blood red nail polish had tipped and now about half of it was on the carpet, the white carpet, oh crap oh crap oh crap, I sang in my head.
I was relieved that nobody heard me, they would probably get suspicious.

As I dived for my duffel bag, nail polish remover where are you? I thought, oh yeh, I did not bring any. Slapping my hand to my forehead, I could feel the strange urge to cry, the giant lump rising in my throat, as I tried to swallow it down but it would not work.
“Less crying, more wiping,” I told myself.
As I grabbed a tissue and started wiping my little hands off, my shoulder started aching.


After a few minutes, my shoulder blade was tiring and I was tiring, rocking my body forwards and backwards, trying my hardest to get it out, with water.
Do not rub, I reminded myself, do not spread it, just little wipes, I told myself.
How could I do little wipes at a time like this?

I was too busy too cry, too busy to slump onto the bed and cover my head with my hands and sob, too busy to sleep, too busy to do anything but get that stain out.
Like those nights when you need to finish a project by next morning, there is a little ache in the back of your head saying, ‘go to sleep, worry about it later’ but you know you can’t so you keep going, no matter how much it hurts and how much you loathe it, you keep going.

By now the stain was a slight reddish-pinkish, but still noticeable unfortunately.
The Dragon would not care whether she could see the stain from a mile away or whether it was miniscule to see, she would still punish you for it.
As I kept rocking back and forth, I started rubbing hard and strongly.

I did not notice that the tissue I was using had now been wet and torn in several places, adding it to the pile of other tissue and grabbed another.
After this I promised myself to never leave a nail polish bottle without its lid on ever again, kind of a lesson to me I guess.

I started wondering what mum was doing right now, probably doing It with Derik, I almost indigested when I thought this, Ellie, do not think of it ever again, I told myself.
I like calling myself Ellie, I prefer it over any other name people call me, but I am fine with Lizzie, too, so I do not complain.

I finally got to that point, when that tiny ache turned into a head throbbing ache, I stopped scrubbing and lay back on my back, just breathed in and out. My arm, hand and shoulder tingling and aching so badly, and I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. I managed the strength to lift my head and peer at the clock, 9:15pm; I groaned and lay back again, bumping my head.

Maybe I should play stupid. When I was little, this was my main way out of trouble; this brought me back happy, cheeky, silly memories.
Like when I was playing with my mums vase I, don’t ask why, pretended it was a plane, I tripped and smash went the vase, my mum was out at the shops, so I just left it there, act as if I were taking a nap.
Then when she got home she would scream, she would ask what happened, I would gasp and look at it as if it slapped me in the face, my mum believed me when I say I didn’t do it. Thank goodness, but that was then, this is now.

I decided to play stupid, I know I shouldn’t, but I did.
I was tired and worn, I decided to cover it with one of my tissues and then I would go somewhere, I would go home then I would not have to deal with The Dragon, no, dad would.

I felt a sudden feeling of guilt, pleasure and greed; I smiled, brushed my teeth then went to sleep.
As I woke up, I glanced around and quickly noticed my surroundings, the white carpeting, red curtains, fancy furniture and fancy touches.
Then I realised last night, I glanced down at my arm, one part of me expected bruising and purple marks, other half was expecting nothing at all.

It was normal looking, but it felt slightly strange, like when you get a needle injected in your arm, it gradually stops hurting, gradually.
Then I noticed it, the tissue was gone, the mark noticeable, more noticeable in the light.
Seeing it, I jumped out of bed, almost literally, and then looked down at the stain, it was a funny shape, and my first thought was that someone had taken the tissue off, looked at it, then got mad and left the room.

Then as I turned behind me to see the tissue underneath the bed, I breathed a sigh of relief, it just blew off.
As I dressed then went downstairs, the first person that saw me was The Dragon, she was pissed, real pissed.
Oh no, I thought, here it comes.

“Hey, Lizzie Lizard, can we talk?” I started getting panicky, but nodded, she guided me into the living room and we sat, she smiled. Okay, she smiled - good sign.
Then she bit her lip and looked down, what does this mean? Is she going to whack me or what?

“Liz, has your father ever cheated on Malory?” I opened my mouth wide, unexpectedly, what the? What is this? Malory is my mother.
“I feel like, I don’t feel as if we’re as close as before,” she said, looking down, hugging her waist. This was my time to shine.

“No, he never cheated on her, in fact he helped with the dishes and dinner, he was a good fiancé to my mum,” I smiled, with such spitefulness in my smile, that I was shocked, she smiled back not seeming taken back at all.

“Well that’s lovely,” she replied, I raised one eyebrow, “But anyways, I know I sound silly, but it just seems like … I don’t know,” she laughed and raised both hands in the air, “I just don’t know,” she laughed again, I smiled.

“I better pack myself back up,” I said quickly exiting the room, close call, I thought.
As I was packing my duffel bag, letting my laptop back into its case, placing the tissue over the stain again, making sure it does not fly away.

A few hours later mum arrived, I decided to skip breakfast, she kissed my cheek and I walked straight to her car and sat in the front seat, happy to get away from that house.
I did enjoy my time, I guess, but as you know, that house has lots of tension in it, that I just can’t quite place.

My dad waved at me and smiled, I smiled but kept in the car, mum and The Dragon were talking about something near the garden.
I rested my legs on the duffel bag; I decided to use this moment to relax.
I sat there in silence until mum came back.
“That Camellia is weird, Elizabeth, weird,” she snapped, as she opened the door,
“How so?” I asked, I wanted to say ‘yes, yes, I know, so stop bringing me here’ but decided not to.
“Asking me whether your dad’s cheated on me, what a snoopy, snobby, cow,” she huffed under her breath, I decided to remain silent again.

On the ride home, I looked out the window most of the time; I wondered what The Dragon and dad were doing right now, probably arguing.
I kinda felt sorry for them in a way, they were falling apart and we all know it, but it’s about time dad got rid of her no offense.

“Hey mum?” I asked, mum turned to me when we reached the next traffic light,
“Mmhm, love?” she rested her elbow on the wheel and looked at me,
“When am I going there next?” I asked, hoping after her chat with The Dragon, she would never take me there again.
“Well, do you want to go there?” she asked, I shook my head, she shrugged.
“Maybe never again, if that’s possible, and if that’s what you want,” she smiled, I smiled then started fiddling with my seatbelt.

When I got home, I felt the tension release, like I could be me and not what people want me to be.
I chucked of my shoes and relaxed on the couch, mum joined me, and she twisted her hair on one finger, and looked at me, then sighed quickly.
“Okay, I’m sorry – but I can’t get over her!”
“Mum,” –
“No, I’m serious, asking his ex those kinds of questions, what is she, stupid?” she asked me, nod or shake, nod or shake, no or shake, hmm …
“Sometimes,” I decided on.
“And then, get this, I heard she asked you too, like okay – using my daughter as your ‘secret agent’,” she flexed her fingers when she said this, “Is not on,” she growled.

“She is weird, you gotta admit,” I said, I felt as if I had to chime in, because I know how awkward it is when you gossip about someone and the other person doesn’t agree with you.
“Yes I will admit it, I will admit it too her bloody face, my gosh,” her face went slightly red, then she pushed her hair out of her face then smiled,
“Enough of mean mummy, time for I-care-so-much mummy, babe,” she smiled; I started retelling my experience, mainly talking about the nail polish.

Bad idea, because it got her talking about The Dragon again.
“Ha, her carpet, her fault, babe why did she even buy white carpet?” she asked, as if she found out something interesting.
“And, if it does stain, well she can afford to get it removed, baby don’t even fret for a minute, she’s probably screaming the house down right now – at your dad,” she giggled, I giggled too.



“How about you and Derik?” I asked, mum winked,
“Stuff, sweetie, stuff,” she laughed as I scrunched my nose.
“Sorry, sweetie, well we had a date, he took me home, etc etc, then we woke up together, then he left,” she summed it up quickly, I nodded.

Mum then left for work, she works as a psychologist, so it gives me enough time to myself for the day.
I walked back to the park and stayed for a bit, I sat on the bench and just relaxed in the breeze.
There weren’t many birds, but you heard the sudden chirp at times, and then something brushed against my leg again, I stopped myself from jumping and reminded myself that it was just a twig.

As I was checking the scrape I almost fainted, this big, black ball of fluff was sitting as my feet. It meowed at me and I covered my hand over my mouth to scream of utter shock, I thought it was something other than a cat, but it straight away liked me, so it was very friendly, I relaxed.

“I’m so sorry about that,” this girl with a young voice called out, I turned to see that it was that woman with orange hair, I felt uneasy.
I stayed silent, “It’s … it’s alright, just a cat, right?” I smiled, and then being the outgoing one all of a sudden I stretched out my hand.

“I’m Elizabeth Tehn,” I smiled, then added, “But puh-leeze call me Ellie,” she was about to shake my hand, then stopped, “You seem very happy, young lady, is there something that I don’t know?” she asked, I must have seem utterly confused because she added, “Haven’t put any farting cushions around, or taping me? I know what you kids are like,”

I shook my head quickly, “No, no, no, I’m sorry you think that, no, not at all,” I was a bit taken back by how desperate I seemed, did I seem, I don’t know, scared?
“Oh, I’m sorry, I worry too much sometimes,” she smiled, but left my hand standing,
“I’m Katia Filapou, as you probably figured,” she laughed, I smiled, the cat then meowed again.
“And that is Priscilla,” she smiled, picking up the cat and stroking its head, I held out my hand, a gesture to pat it, she leaned the cat closer.
“Go right ahead, love,” she smiled, Priscilla, reminds me of a witch’s cat.
Priscilla’s fur was straight, clean and soft, like you could lay your head on its back and full asleep.
“She’s cute – how old?” I asked, as she held the cat closer to her chest now, once I finished patting the cat.
“About fifteen years,” I whistled, “Yeh, she’s old,” she smiled as she patted Priscilla between the ears.

“Do you own a cat?” she asked, I shook my head, and she frowned.
“Oh … so you own … a dog,” she scrunched her nose up at that, I shook my head again.
“No pets,” I said.
“Oh, you should get a cat,” she said and smiled, “I’m going to get going, bye, nice meeting you,” she said, with a wave of her hand she walked off with the cat.
She’s nice, I thought, as I decided to head back too.