What Kind Of Mum Are You?

What Kind Of Mum Are You?

Are you reading this in your Lorna Jane crop top? Waiting for cloth nappies to dry?

published on August 03, 2017
1/5

You have to make a cake for you 4 year old's birthday party.

Oh, god, pass me the wine. I hate baking.
Let's see, I'll need carob buttons and quinoa flakes...
I'll make it a dinosaur theme. But Triassic or cretaceous?
18 on field, do I have to make enough for the kids on the bench?
Where can I find wheat, nut, gluten, egg and guilt free packet cake?
2/5

You have a kid-free night coming up.

There's a buy 6, get one free at Dan Murphy's. I'll power walk there and back.
Yes! I'll make some breast milk icy poles for the party.
Sweet, I can laminate those bath-time periodic table cards.
Good, gotta fix sew those holes up in the jersey.
I'll pick her up at around 8. She won't like to spend the night away from me.
3/5

What would we find in your child's lunchbox?

Money for the tuckshop, I'm hungover.
Positive affirmations.
Omega 3 tablets.
Collector's cards.
It's an insulated bag, actually. Do you know how quickly bacteria breeds?
4/5

Your child's school has called. They have a badly grazed knee from falling over at lunchtime.

I'm at the gym, I'll pick them up after my wine.
Doesn't the school nurse have breastmilk in the first aid kit? That's it, I am homeschooling.
Why was he not in chess group at lunch?
So? Do you have a blood rule?
*Calls her lawyer*
5/5

What was your baby's first word?

Feel the burn. And cheers.
Om, mummy.
μήτηρ
Goal!
Ouch.