What Kind of Monster Are You This Halloween?

What Kind of Monster Are You This Halloween?

Everyone has a monster inside just waiting to be recognized. Let's discover what monster is hidden (or not so hidden) inside you. This will guide you in your Halloween adventures this year.

published on September 13, 2014
1/13

Let's start with some basic information about you; what makes you tick (or growl). As a monster, which of the elements most motivates you to be truly horrific?

Let's start with some basic information about you; what makes you tick (or growl). As a monster, which of the elements most motivates you to be truly horrific?
Chaos, Anarchy, Entropy
The Hunt, The Hunger
Fear, Horror, Terror
Brotherhood of the Pack, Coven, Brood
Power, Sovereignty, Supremacy
2/13

What strikes fear into your shriveled black heart?

What strikes fear into your shriveled black heart?
Fire; by the torch or stake, by the sun or weapon of war
Silver: crosses, chains, blades or bullets
Alienation, Imprisonment, Exile
Savage mundane masses; too many rending, tearing, hacking at me
I am numb to all except those few passions and hunger that burn inside me.
3/13

Appearances are important. Now it is time to clean yourself up (relatively speaking). Which best describes your monstrous fashion style?

Appearances are important. Now it is time to clean yourself up (relatively speaking). Which best describes your monstrous fashion style?
Whatever I wear will look great because I am just that hot.
Anything loose fitting, comfortable and disposable. Tears, blood and all that necessitate it being cheap.
Whatever is handy. Throw it on and see what sticks.
Whites and pale colors are my favorite. Cool fabrics that breathe and flow. I've been told I'm a Winter.
Black, grey, charcoals. Maybe a hat. Striped socks are pretty cool also.
Custom fit and tailored is the only way to go. I have a unique frame.
Sleek and sexy. Enough said.
4/13

What is your favorite pastime?

What is your favorite pastime?
Having some friends for dinner. You know, like a party. What did you think I meant?
Growling at people and chasing after the pretty ones.
Flickering lights. Scratching at the window. Causing the hair on the back of your neck to stand up. Standing behind you waiting for you to turn around.
There is no pastime. There is only the hunt and the hunger.
Reading. I love to read. Suturing for Dummies, 10 Best Party Potions, and Grey's Anatomy are some of my faves.
Tooling on my hot rod, repairing the dungeon door, tricking out the lab equipment, anchoring the manacles to the wall. A monster's home is his castle (or cry...
Doing a crossword puzzle, writing software code, calling friends and family on high powered electronics, and abducting farm animals. Any one of these or all ...
Watching the stars, reading the omens, listening to the white noise on the radio.
5/13

Which best describes the decor of your crib?

Which best describes the decor of your crib?
Dark,ominous, secluded manse; surrounded in mystery and foreboding
Deceptively homey and safe; nightshade hanging from the doorpost, cauldron bubbling in the fireplace, baroque music wafting through the halls, skeletons tuck...
Cave, hive, hollow, or vale; it is natural, primal; it smells of earth, wood, rotten leaves, rain and inevitability.
Eclectic and spartan but practical. I have a small library, laboratory, chains and seclusion.
No crib. I prefer to be on the road out in the open.
6/13

Now that we have established some basics about you, let's see how you handle adversity. The angry torch and pitchfork wielding mob is on your doorstep. What do you do?

Now that we have established some basics about you, let's see how you handle adversity. The angry torch and pitchfork wielding mob is on your doorstep. What do you do?
Mobs are weak minded and will easily fall for my monstrous charms.
Lead them on a chase into the night and pick them off one by one.
The only thing better than a tasty treat is a mob of tasty treats. Into the fray and may the best monster win!
I am a whirlwind of fear. I will distort their senses, scream, wail, drive them mad and set them on each other. I will possess the weak, walk among them and ...
They are no match for my ancient and arcane powers. They will soon be covered in boils, scurrying around on slimy little feet and eating bugs.
First try reason. And if that fails, tear them apart.
The mob might be on my doorstep but I'm already right behind them. Such wonderful options.
My best bet is to be real still, blend in, hope they don't notice me and wait them out.
7/13

On the run from the mob, you now need a place to hide and let it blow over. Where is your ideal getaway?

On the run from the mob, you now need a place to hide and let it blow over. Where is your ideal getaway?
Somewhere dark, comfortable and fitting of my magnificence.
Deep in the woods, shrouded in fog, tracking the heart beat of my next meal.
Hide? I'm looking for the mob. Hungry, remember?
Under a beautiful illusion mingling in plain sight. I could be right next to you and you would never know it.
Somewhere rundown and out of the way. An abandoned asylum, the sewers, an old mine. Somewhere I can read, run about and hide the bodies. I like options.
In the air ducts, under the floor, behind the shed. Somewhere close, very, very close.
8/13

Having been captured, how do you make your escape?

Having been captured, how do you make your escape?
Identify the captor with the weakest will. Then ensnare him in my hypnotic powers, bidding him to free me.
Muscle, ferocity and instinct. They always see me through.
Wait for someone to get too close then eat them. Oh, escape? I was thinking they were bringing the meal to me.
I am not bound by physical limitations. I can possess my enemy as easily as they can walk through a door. I am the captor, not the captured.
Magic. The arcane can grant me the ability to change form into something small, innocuous, and just scamper away.
Rend apart my chains, turn the furnishings into kindling and beat on the doors until they break apart.
My brood will soon burst forth, scurrying forward to free me.
9/13

You are free again, having escaped and lost the mob. It's been a rough few days for you and you are in need of a snack and refreshment. What is your next move?

You are free again, having escaped and lost the mob. It's been a rough few days for you and you are in need of a snack and refreshment. What is your next move?
They look into my eyes and are oh too willing to give me a bite.
I go out, catch, drag it back, and prepare my snack myself.
I like to go for a meandering walk and eat at the first place I find someone ... to eat.
A cold mixed drink (cherry coke, limeade, toadstool punch) with a some friends.
A buffet hits the spot. I like the variety, whether it be a Chinese buffet or the crowd at a farmer's market.
I want something different, special, unusual. The normal monster slop isn't good enough; my tastes are more refined.
10/13

You need to reestablish your cover in society. To blend in, your career of choice would be what?

You need to reestablish your cover in society. To blend in, your career of choice would be what?
Job? With a few smooth words and a flash from my seductive eyes I'll get a sugar daddy/momma to take care of all that.
Something to get me out into nature. Game warden, park ranger, rancher. Open spaces and relative seclusion are nice.
A vagabond or hobo. No one pays attention to you while you shamble down the street.
Chef. Cooking up new and tasty entrees is a great way to see what belladonna blends well with.
Trauma surgeon or mechanic. They're practically the same, right?
Something technological no one else even understands.
11/13

It's time to plot your revenge. The first step is to replenish your ranks. How would you do this?

It's time to plot your revenge. The first step is to replenish your ranks. How would you do this?
All I need is a bite and they join me; willingly or not.
A host, a few eggs and we are all a happy, slimy little family again.
I seek out those who are sensitive, touched, and special. With dark whispers, granted wishes, nightmares I can exploit their feelings of isolation to beguile...
A copy of Grey's Anatomy, Popular Mechanics and a toolkit and I have myself the tools to making a whole new pack. Close proximity to a graveyard and junkyard...
12/13

It's the night of reckoning. Now what?

It's the night of reckoning. Now what?
Eat anything that moves.
Run for the wilds, free to hunt on our own terms. Harass men on all sides. Lead them into my traps; not me into theirs.
Through infection, possession, fevered dreams and strength of will I assert my influence over all in my domain.
All I want is one like me. To take them, make them and live in our own secluded realm.
13/13

Your motto for the night of reckoning?

Your motto for the night of reckoning?
“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster." ― Friedrich Nietzsche
"Be afraid... Be very afraid." - The Fly
“...it is easy not to believe in monsters, considerably more difficult to escape their dread and loathsome clutches.” ― Stanisław Lem, The Cyberiad
"People [like] pretty things. People even [like] pretty things that [want] to kill and eat them.” ― Holly Black, The Coldest Girl in Coldtown
"I know you're there ... because I can smell your brains." - The Return of the Living Dead
“Perhaps you should speak more softly to me ... Monsters are dangerous beasts, and just now kings seem to be dying like flies.” ― George R.R. Martin, A Storm...
"I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge...
“There are horrors beyond life's edge that we do not suspect, and once in a while man's ... prying calls them just within our range.” ― H.P. Lovecraft, The T...