What Are You Haunted By?

What Are You Haunted By?

Have you ever felt like all your life you have been chased by the spectre of something, something that you cannot name or place? Something that will both damn you and save you the moment it catches up to you and overwhelms you?

published on Saturday
1/16

You wake up in the morning. What is your first thought?

I have something to do. I have so much to do.
But I do not know what it is that I have to do. I
do not know how I can find out.
I am too tired. I have been facing too many
battles all night and I know that by entering a
new day I am entering a new battlefield with
its own blood and...
It’s so tempting, so, so tempting to do it. But I
must not. I must not. If only I could find the
strength within myself.
It’s a new day, a new dawn, a new chance for
me to be who the universe wants me to be. But
can I take it? Or will this day be like all the
others?
2/16

You are walking a long ways away. It’s cold and you’re freezing but you have to keep going. What are your thoughts?

Your own thoughts are the source of most of
your pain. The cold is there. It’s there,
grounding you into the world. And you wish
you could see it but your...
There is something beautiful in the walking.
There is something beautiful in the pain. You
want to melt into it, to break yourself upon it
and see what tr...
You deserve this pain. It’s your penance. It’s
not enough penance for all you’ve done. You
wish it was colder.
There is so much to learn here. The discomfort,
the pain, it’s all there to teach you a lesson. It’s
a part of your life just as much as joy is.
3/16

You look up towards the sky. What do you see?

The beauty of nature stretching out before you.
The sky. It’s the one part of nature humanity
has not finished distancing itself away from
yet. It’s the o...
The weight of the world pressing down upon
you. You are so small. So small. You do not
know how to quantify the sky. You do not know
if it can be quantifi...
It makes you feel as if you’re a part of the
world for once. As if you’re a part of nature, a
part of heaven. As if you are needed. You try to
remember.
You see nothing except for the blue. But no,
that’s not true. There is something there that is
not blue. Not blue at all. Something that exists
beyond blu...
4/16

You pick up a piece of litter on the ground to throw away. Why do you do this?

You don’t belong here. You don’t belong
anywhere. But maybe you can earn a place in
the world by not ignoring this one tiny thing.
Because you know in your heart that it’s the
right thing to do. Even if it’s a small action.
Even if it’s a tiny action. Even tiny actions can
be meaningful.
It feels like the right thing to do. It feels like a
way to build memories. Like a way to build a
good memory for once. A meaningful memory.
You feel like this is a way that you can rebel. A
way that you can rebel against all the
expectations that people have upon you, that
people have upon hum...
5/16

You give someone your seat on the bus. Why do you do this?

Because this is such an easy thing to do. It’s so
easy. Life is hard. Everything is hard. But this,
this you don’t have to push yourself into.
Because you’ve put yourself first too many
times. You’ve had things that other people
didn’t have too many times. This time must be
different.
Because it’s the kind thing to do. You feel good,
putting other peoples’ needs and comfort
ahead of your own. It fills something unending
and abyssal down...
You want to beleive that this is just your
human nature being human. You want to
believe that this is just you following the truth
in your soul. You lean ...
6/16

What is the most important thing you’ve realized in your life?

That maybe something is wrong. Maybe
something is wrong about the way everything
is playing out.
That you have to be a rebel. You do not know
why. You do not know how. But you’re
supposed to be a rebel.
You’re not any better than anyone else. You
have never been. You never will be.
You have a place in this world. You have
responsibilities you have to uphold.
Responsibilities to the land, responsibilities to
the people.
7/16

You have a place in this world. You have responsibilities you have to uphold. Responsibilities to the land, responsibilities to the people.

You don’t know why you’re hurting. You don’t
know if you are hurting. You don’t know if you
have started hurting recently or if you were
hurting all of yo...
You deserve to be hurting. You deserve to feel
what you have caused others to feel. You
deserve to burn yourself to the ground so that
you can arise like ...
You’re hurting because so many people are
hurting. You are hurting because you are
powerless to stop all of them from hurting. All
you can do is hurt alon...
You’re hurting because everything that you
want with every single piece of your soul is just
so barely out of your hands, and no matter
how far you reach ...
8/16

A person tells you that they are hungry. You give them money. What are your hopes?

You hope that they can eat well. You hope that
you can turn this small moment of kindness
into something that creates lasting change.
You hope that they can eat well. You hope that
you never deny anyone what they need. You
hope that you can make the same choice again
as many times as you...
You hope that they can eat well. You hope that
you can understand just how momentous this
moment was. You hope that you can
understand that you did the ri...
You hope that they can eat well. You hope that
you can learn from this. That you can find
yourself through this.
9/16

You are hungry and someone gives you money. What are your thoughts?

You do not deserve this. They should have
given their money to someone more worthy.
You need to pay it forwards however you can,
in any form that you can, as many times as
you can.
You think of how they’re such a good soul. And
something awakes within you. Something
ignites within you. For the barest moment and
then it’s gone.
You are amazed that someone could have the
bravery and the will to follow such an action
through. You wish you could have the same
courage.
10/16

A stranger sees you crying and asks you what’s wrong. What do you do?

Tell them why you’re crying and let them help
you.
Tell them thank you but that they wouldn’t
understand.
Ask them why it is that they are wanting to
help you.
Tell them thank you but you can figure things
out on your own.
11/16

You are at a protest. Why are you here?

To stand up for the people whose blood has for
too long painted your trophies. To fight for the
justice that you yourself have trod down.
Because it feels good, to be surrounded by so
many people fighting for change. It feels good
to feel the energy and the rage they manifest.
Because it gives you courage, it gives you
strength, it gives you inspiration to be
surrounded by people with so much courage
and strength and inspiration.
Because you have to make the world better.
You just have to. And this is part of how you do
it.
12/16

You meet a god in your dreams. What does the god say to you?

Look deeper and deeper within yourself. Look
deeper and deeper within everyone else. Do
not stop looking until the floodgates open. Until
the hurricane ma...
Why are you not obeying the orders I have
been giving you time and time and time again?
I know that you can hear them. I know that
somewhere down there, y...
You are capable of great love. But you are also
capable of great apathy. You are capable of
great selfishness. But you are also capable of
great sacrifice.
You think that all that you are doing is enough.
But it’s not enough. It will never be enough.
Nothing will ever be enough.
13/16

A child is lost. You help them find their parent. The parent thanks you. What do you tell them?

You’re welcome. It was no big deal.
I’m glad that the kid is back safe where they
belong.
The kid deserves to be safe. I’m glad that
they’re safe.
Well I’m sure anyone would do the same thing
given the situation.
14/16

What gift would you want the least?

The ability to read minds
The ability to live forever
The ability to be born as someone else
The ability to have infinite wealth
15/16

Choose a lyric from one of my original songs.

I wanna flow into the sun
I wanna know how love is won
I wanna leave my soul in the fire
I wanna hold you up higher and higher
If you love me
You'll let me make my choice
If you fear me
I'll go alone
You smiled like a demon
Your eyes shone like stars
Is this an illusion?
Is this love?
I'd melt into the winter, the low-flying sun
And I'd be apathetic to how wars are won
I'd melt into into the winter, that low-flying sun
And the glory strewn...
16/16

What god speaks to you the most?

The god of journeys and pathways and doors
and exits
The god of nurturing, nourishing, and support
The god of rebellion and rage and chaos
The god of the darkness, the air, and the
depths