Right In Front of Me (Finished)

Chapter 35: Fix your Nightmares

***A/N: Hey, just so you all know, the lyrics in this chapter are all 100% mine, so PLEASEEE don't steal them, they are actually very personal. Thank you!***

        "Prom is on May 18th, you guys. I am getting so amped up!" Hallie announces. "Me too!" Lana squeals. We are still Dress shopping, and we are all picking out dresses for each other. I hear the group talking from outside my changing stall. I smile at their excitement, then step out to present to them the dress that Taylor chose for me. "So? What do you think?" I ask. "Hmm, I love the style, but I'm not sure the color works on you. It washes you out a little." Yolanda says. The group agrees. "You're right. I'll go change." I answer, going back into the stall where another dress waits for me, but instead just dress in my original clothes and join the group on the waiting couch while Hallie tries on a dress. "Wait, is this the one I picked for you?" I ask.
        "Yeah." She answers, then steps out. I gasp, say, "What did I tell you? The neutral colors look amazing on you!" She smiles. "I love it. I think this is the one." We all cheer, and she returns to her stall to change back, unable to wipe her smile away.
        By the time we returned home, Hallie, Taylor, and Lana had found dresses. Meanwhile, Mercedes, Lana, and I still haven't gotten lucky. We go back the next week, and by the end of that trip, Lana and Mercedes found dresses. As for me, I saw one that I loved, but I'm waiting for it to ship in, in my size. It arrives that following Wednesday, and Summer and I go to pick it up. It is absolutely gorgeous.

        Thursday night, I have a dream about when I used to write music all of the time. After it showed me singing and then smiling as I jotted the lyrics, it flashed Greyson's face as he said, "Do you even write anymore? You used to write all of the time; when was the last time you wrote?" Then it shows me crying in Greyson's arms after smashing those miscellaneous items with a sledgehammer. I am screaming, and then it shows me crying as I wrote a song. Those were always tears of remembering a painful time in the past. In Greyson's arms, I was screaming out of actual pain. It shows me strutting down the hallway when I was acting popular. I was so fake. I thought I was happy, when really I was only happy when music was in my heart. I was such a vein person, that I forgot what actually made me happy. Lately I have been feeling a little empty, but I never let it bother me. Now my dream shows me with a hole in me where my heart should be. I hear Greyson's haunting words again, "When was the last time you wrote?" The words sound as if he is whispering them directly into my ear, and gradually gets louder until he is screaming the words at me, repeating them over and over again. "YOU USED TO WRITE- WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE?!" I wake up sweating and shaking. What did all of that mean?
        Friday morning, I wake up and since it is a teacher work day, I am able to stay at home all day. I have all of the time in the world. I get changed into the most musical clothing I own. I grab the writing book Greyson gave me for Christmas, and I open it to the second page, leaving the first page for a title page. I get some water in a glass and place on my desk, checking the surface for pencils. I grab one and sharpen it placing it next to the book. I hum a little, then begin to write, starting out slow, but then it seemed like I had so many things to say that I had to make sure I fit in. It seemed like I couldn't possibly include everything I am feeling into one song, but I manage. I put the pencil down once I am finished. I smile. I grab my iPod, beginning to record the song so I won't forget the tune. "Testing, this song is called..."

        On Monday, I wake up at 5:00 sharp, wash my face and get dressed. I get my makeup done, then fix my hair. I grab a Pop-Tart, my songbook, and head out to school by 5:45  on my own. I leave a note on my bed for Greyson to find. It says, 'I'm already at school. Hurry, you're gonna want to see this.'
        Almost nobody is at school when I get there; just a few other kids setting up performing stuff, since kids perform before school for everyone. I think it's a great idea. I pick a spot in the middle of the main hallway, and then decide not to take up the largest spot like I'm something extra-special. I drop my stuff in that hallway, but more toward the back and a little off to the side, so I am not the center of attention. I go into the janitor's closet and find a swivel chair. I put it in my spot, and sit in it. I take my iPod out and set it up to a boom box. I worked on my song all weekend, perfecting it and fine-tuning every bit of it. I created some music to go with it, and I brought a mic, which I plug into the boom box. I put my songbook on a music stand and open it up to the page with my song on it. I drink some water, then look around to make sure no one is near before I begin warming up my voice. I sing the song through once without the mic. And then people start piling and flowing down the hallway. It's time.
        I tap on the mic after turning it on, the take a deep breath. People start gathering around, aware that I am about to perform.  I open my mouth. "Hey, I'm Avalon Starr, and I'm gonna be singing-" I see Greyson's face appear in the crowd, smiling confusingly. My face lights up. "I'm gonna be singing a song I wrote. It's called 'Crying to Sleep.' Unless you don't like it, then I totally didn't write it." I joke, and a bunch of people laugh at that. I sit down and push play on my iPod, where the music and small background voices (which are also my voice) are stored. I push play. The music is quiet through the song, then the beat picks up later. But right as it starts, I sip some water, clear my throat quietly, then sing.

"Do I know what I want, do I know what I need?
Do I know if you are right here for me?
Can I tell you how I feel tonight?
Will you be okay, will you be alright?

I am confused about me and you.
Is it true that you want to stay together?
You say it's alright,
You say you've got no time.
You say it's up to me.
But that makes me feel like crying to sleep."

The beat picks up.

"Have I ruined your day,
Have I broken your heart?
All of this not-talking's brought
Us back to the start.
The silence between us speaks too loud.
I can see what I've done,
And I'm not proud.

I am confused about me and you.
Is it true that you want to stay together?
You say it's alright,
You say you've got no time.
You say it's up to me.
But that makes me feel like crying to sleep.

Stop, rewind.
I want to make this better.
I was blind-
Or maybe this was better.
Stop, replay.
Don't want to leave you heart broke.
Wait, don't say.
I'm gonna make this better for us.
For us, for us, for us...
Or maybe this was better!

I am confused about me and you.
Is it true that you want to stay together?
You say it's alright,
You say you've got no time.
You say it's up to me.
But that makes me feel like crying to sleep.

You say it's alright,
You say you've got no time.
You say it's up to me.
But that makes me feel like crying to sleep.

To sleep, to sleep.
Oh, I'm crying to sleep.
If I sleep at all tonight, I'm crying to sleep.
Don't want to leave you heart broke,
And crying to sleep.
Oh, I'm gonna make this better,
I'm crying to sleep..."

        The track ends, and I turn off the mic. I look down, tears in my eyes. I had stood up after the first chorus so I could really get into it, and I'm still standing. Everyone is clapping and cheering. I just see Greyson's face though. I walk toward him, smiling. I have never felt so exhilarated in my life. He hugs me, and says, "You really wrote that?" I nod. "Even after all this time of not writing, it was still perfect. You were amazing! I guess you never really changed." I kiss him and he pulls me over to where I performed, and helps me pick up all of my stuff. We bring it to his truck and start loading it into the back. he shuts the lid when we are done and says, "I  guess with the good mood you're in, it's the perfect time for me to do this." I look at him, confused.
        He takes out a ring and holds it out to me. I gasp. "Well, I guess the fact that you're not on your knee means that this isn't a proposal, so that's good." I say. He laughs. "No, no. This isn't a proposal. It's like a... a promise ring. I just want you to have this so you can remember that, uh, I promise to forever... be there for you. I promise that no matter what happens to us, I will care bout you and be there for you to come to in times of need. I will always be your best friend." I let him slip the ring on my right ring finger. "Are you sure you're not gay? No guy is this thoughtful." He laughs again. "Nah, I'm pretty sure." I take his hand and we walk back inside.